Spin
by soul vacation
Summary: She is older now, and Sakura is noticing a new dynamic to the relationship she's always had with her former teacher. Is it just the proximity, or could something be there she never realized? KakaSaku, multipart, in progress
1. Part One

_Spin_

Chapter One

Every bone in her body ached, but that wasn't anything unusual for Sakura. She'd gotten used to the long hours, the tiresome, grueling impact of practicing healing jutsu every day. Some people thought she was too dedicated and was going to burn herself out. Sometimes, she was inclined to agree with them. But mostly, she knew that someone had to do it.

If ever there was a thankless job, it could be found at Konoha's hospital. They were understaffed and underpaid, and if you asked her, most of them were under trained. But what was to be done? She couldn't personally oversee everyone's work, and she didn't have a reputation for being the most patient woman. Sakura did her job and did it well, but it was frustrating to be the one they called in the middle of the night, without fail, when there was a crisis.

She had pride in her work, but she was only human. And like any human, she was getting run down.

Pausing in front of her bathroom mirror, she leaned forward, rubbed her fingers hard under her eyes. Lines fanned out from the corners, dark smudges outlined them until she looked more like a raccoon than a woman. Her lips were cracked and pale, and her hair had lost its life and verve. To put it mildly, she looked terrible. She knew better than anyone that she needed a vacation, rest, time to recharge, but she simply couldn't ask for it.

Ever since Tsunade had fallen, Konoha had been in an uproar. Their Hokage and mightiest healer felled at once, with no clear successor in sight. There was no doubt Naruto was talented, but he wasn't ready yet. Not yet. And though they'd asked, Kakashi had stoutly refused to step up and take over, even for a short time.

Dipping her hands under the running water, she held them there for a moment, grimaced at herself. They'd become so scattered. Naruto was out furiously battling back anyone who dared come near his homeland, gathering more jutsu and trying to prove every day that he was strong enough to succeed Tsunade. Kakashi was always off on this mission or that, reporting only to the council and leaving little time behind to talk to anyone else. As for Sasuke...

Her expression didn't waver when she thought about him, and her heart didn't skip. He wasn't one of them anymore, and she'd resigned herself to that years ago. Instead, she just leaned forward, splashed her face, and let the water run down her neck.

Tiredly, she turned the water off and unwound the towel from the top of her head, letting her hair fall in a tangled mass around her shoulders. Because it was easier, she'd taken to letting it grow out again, and throwing it up in a ponytail every day before work. It said a lot about her these days, that she would let her vanities slide -- or, more accurately, that she was just too exhausted to bother with her vanities. It was too much trouble to worry about how she looked, and anyway, it wasn't like she had a particular person to impress.

Dating was something for people with free time. Sakura didn't even know what that phrase meant anymore.

Patting her cheeks with the towel, she padded out of the bathroom on bare feet, made her way into her little kitchen. Out of habit, she left the lights on, partly so that she could see where she was going, but mostly because of her recently developed fear of the dark. Though not afraid to live alone by any means, she was nevertheless uneasy in total blackness, and the villagers knew that if there were lights burning in her windows she was still awake.

Unfortunately, they also knew that if they came to her with their ails, she would most likely take care of them. She lived a good ways from the hospital in an attempt to dissuade them from calling her in most nights, but it didn't work. Instead, it just had the locals knocking on her door at all hours because they didn't want to travel across town to get to the hospital.

She tossed her towel on the counter and picked up her tea, cupping one hand under the base of it and bringing it to her lips slowly. Peppermint, to help her sleep, though she doubted it would really make a difference either way. Though her body was more than ready to crash, her mind was still whirling at a hundred miles an hour, and it would take serious drugs to get her to fall asleep quickly.

Rubbing a hand along the back of her neck, she rolled her head back, closed her eyes. A slight breeze blew in from her kitchen window and lifted the hem of her nightgown, reminding her that she needed to go around and latch all of her windows before she went to sleep. Though Konoha wasn't a violent town by any means, she lived below her means in a lower standard of housing, and what with all the conflicts...

You never know who would be lurking outside your window. Locks didn't do much against shinobi, but at least they would warn her. Sakura slept so lightly that a storm could wake her most nights.

The wind rattled the branches of a tree, sending them scraping across the side of her house. Scowling, she set her tea aside, and pushed the sleeves of her gown up as she approached the window. It was the one that stuck, which meant she had to strike a careful balance between her own personal strength and the resistance of the frame, or she'd knock out her window.

Gripping the wood, she furrowed her brows and applied equal pressure to each side, slowly easing it down. The frame creaked in protest, and she stood on the tips of her toes, pressing only her fingertips to the actual window as she attempted to slide it down.

Motion outside caught her gaze, and she stopped, blinking. Because all her lights were on, she could see little more than her own reflection in the window, but she could just make out a figure with a halting gait making its way toward her house. Annoyed, because it most likely meant it was some nin wanting treatment, she rolled back to the balls of her feet, huffed out a breath.

Then, because she couldn't just turn away from someone in need, she propped her elbows up on the window and boosted herself up and out. "How badly are you hurt?"

The person stopped, bringing one hand up to its chest and curling forward. For a moment, she thought they would simply crumble, but after a few tense moments it began walking again.

Concerned but wary, Sakura pulled back into her house and hurried around to her front door. The chill that an early winter's night brought wrapped around her and caused goose pimples to riot across her skin, but she strode forward anyhow, ignoring the sharp bite of twigs into the bottom of her feet. If push came to shove and this was an enemy faking injury to ambush her, she didn't need weapons to defend herself.

What she was betting on, however, was that it was a severely injured nin from Konoha, which meant she had a responsibility to help them.

When the figure limped out into the faint moonlight, she got a better view of the figure and realized it was a man. And unless he was a very good actor, he was in serious pain.

Rushing forward, she opened her arms just as the man stumbled, and braced herself to catch his weight. The scent was of blood and sweat, and unmistakable death. Cradling him against her, she slipped one hand underneath his backside and held the other steady between his shoulder blades, hoisting him onto her shoulder with a grunt.

Balancing his weight expertly, she ran back to her house and nudged the door open with her hip. Blood splattered against the hardwood floors in heavy drops, and she could feel it sticking to her gown, her skin. But that was the farthest thing from her mind.

Though it wasn't the most ideal place for treatment, she kicked her end table out of the way and settled the body on the floor. For the first time, she got a good look at his face, bathed as it was in the harsh yellow light from her lamps, and her heart stuttered painfully.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Panic clawed up her throat and paralyzed her hands, normally so steady. For a wild moment, she thought his body had given out during the brief trip from the road to her floor, and she couldn't breathe. Then, through the hair matted with blood and dirt, she saw one eye crack open.

It held hers, a word of pain clouding it, and everything inside of her calmed. He was alive, and she knew what to do.

Without further hesitation, she gripped the front of his jacket, tore it cleanly in two. Stuffing flew from the bursted seams but she didn't notice, disregarding the need for scissors as she applied the same treatment to his undersuit. A long, ugly scar marred his chest, bleeding heavily as his rasping breaths disturbed it.

Forming the seals quickly, Sakura pressed her hands to the wounds and bit her lower lip, concentrating as she knit the flesh and staunched the flow of blood. Still, she didn't know the entire extent of his wounds, and so she conserved her chakra as best she could.

As she made her way down his body, ignoring any semblance of modesty and throwing his clothes into a growing pile to her right, Sakura was amazed at the actual extent of his injuries. More, she couldn't believe he'd managed to support himself long enough to even make it back through Konoha's gates.

Satisfied that she'd stopped his bleeding from the heavy wounds, Sakura shifted her attentions to his face, hesitating over his mask. It was silly under the circumstances, but she'd always wanted to know what was under it. Kakashi hadn't moved during her healing ministrations; she doubted he was even awake. And he wouldn't even ever have to know.

Slipping her fingers under the fabric, she gently lifted it, and then squeaked when his hands flew up, caught her wrists. Both eyes opened, and though she could see the weariness and the pain still, she thought she caught a spark of amusement there too.

If he was well enough to worry about his face, anyway, then the danger must have passed.

Relaxing her tense muscles, Sakura shook her hands free and rolled her eyes. "I think it's the least you could do."

Fussily, she pushed his hair out of his face, scowled at the state of him. When he didn't respond, she glared at him, slapped his cheek lightly with her hand. "Don't have anything to say to me?"

Loosely, he wrapped his fingers around his neck, and she realized that it wasn't exactly that he _wouldn't _speak, it was that he _couldn't_. Serious once more, she nudged his fingers aside and gently probed his neck, feeling to see if there was any swelling. He closed his eyes, frowned, and then hoisted himself onto on shoulder, rolling slightly away from her touch.

"Hey!" Grasping his shoulder, she was going to roll him over again, but noticed he'd smeared his finger in his own blood and was writing a message.

It only took a few seconds for her to realize the word was poison.

"Poison?" When he sank back, relieved, she leapt up, sprinted to her room for her medicine box. She grew most of her own herbs and made remedies in her spare time, and because of that, she'd dedicated half of her bedroom to a work table that was cluttered with bottles and half-ground herbs.

Rather than pick and choose, she grabbed her medicine box with one hand and swept all the remaining bottles into her arm with the other, already trying to determine what he could have been poisoned with. Labored breathing and an inability to speak meant it was something that was affecting the lungs, probably a paralytic powder. Because it had happened in a battle situation, she knew it would be lethal, which narrowed down the prospects considerably. There were only a few poisons that, when put in a powdered form, could be deadly without considerable dosage.

Still, he'd survived this long, which meant it had been diluted or he'd realized what was happening and had stopped breathing.

Dropping to her knees, ignoring the fact that her delicate white nightgown was now spattered beyond recognition, she leaned down and closed her eyes, pressing her ear to his chest and focusing her chakra to enhance her hearing. Rising, her hair falling over her shoulders, she selected a vial of antidote with steady hands, loaded a syringe, and calmly administered it.

For a few seconds, he didn't move, then his shoulders relaxed visibly and he sighed a little. Relief washed over Sakura and closed her eyes, propping her forehead up on one hand as her shoulders shook. Whether it was the giddy rush of relief or barely suppressed hysteria, she couldn't have said.

"You just scared ten years off my life, Kakashi-sensei." Pulling her hand away, unaware she'd just smeared her forehead with blood, she looked down at him sternly. "I expect you to explain yourself fully -- tomorrow."

He smiled a little, or at least she thought he did. Rising, feeling the ache in every joint of her body, Sakura walked to her bathroom and wetted down a few towels. It was tedious, but she couldn't have him sitting in the middle of her floor covered in blood and grime all night long. Because of how often people were stopping by her house, she kept outfits and the basic necessities for an overnight stay in her spare room, and once she had him cleaned up, she would move Kakashi there so that he could rest and recuperate.

Because she knew him, she figured he would try to get out as soon as possible, so she would have to impress upon him the reality that he wasn't going to escape until she considered him well enough to be out on another mission.

She caught a quick glance of herself in the mirror, and decided that was far from the best thing to be doing.

When she walked back out, it was to see Kakashi in a sitting position, one hand dangling between his raised knees, looking out the window. Annoyed, but not really surprised, she ordered, "You need to relax for now. I'm going to wipe you up a bit and then you can stay in the spare room. I have some clothes and a bed."

He swiveled slowly, looked at her out of patient eyes. And shook his head.

"Don't argue with me, sensei." Briskly, she shook out the towels, tossed one to him and began to apply the others to the blood and dirt on his back. "You came to me because you were wounded, so I'm going to make sure you get healed properly before you go. It's no trouble, and I'm only going to get irritated if you sneak out, so don't even try it."

He cleaned his arms slowly. Though she knew the silence was unintentional, it still felt thoughtful. Bunching the towel up over his shoulders, she wrung it out, letting the water streak down his back for a few seconds, and then mopped it up quickly.

"Let's go to the tub, and I'll spray out your hair. Then I'll let you get dressed and go to bed."

When she would have helped him up he waved a hand at her and stood on his own. She understood it was some stupid male pride thing, but that didn't stop it from irritating her slightly. Even so, she led the way to the bathroom and turned on the shower, grabbing the nozzle and adjusting its spray so that it would be a steady flow to rinse out his hair.

He knelt beside the tub and she rinsed his hair, musing on the fact that she'd never invaded his personal space quite as much as she had that night. The water that swirled toward the drain was an odd mix of copper and brown, sickly to her eyes, but at least it was out of his hair. Without bothering to ask, she squirted some of her apple scented shampoo on top of his head and scrubbed it thoroughly.

"There. Clean enough." Wrapping his hair in a towel, she rubbed the top of his head briskly. He brought his hands up to take over the job himself and she took the hint, standing up and leaving the bathroom without further comment. She didn't notice that he watched her as she walked away, and probably wouldn't have had an explanation for it even if she had.

Nevertheless, his eyes followed her out of the room, and when he slipped the towel off of his head, he brought it up to his mask and inhaled.

Apples.


	2. Part Two

_Spin_

Chapter Two

Sakura checked up on him periodically through the night, just to make sure he was still alive and that she had administered the correct antidote. From what she observed, he was only improving, and so she was confident that he would make a full recovery soon enough. Still, there was no denying Kakashi wasn't as young as he used to be, and so she intended to keep a close eye on him until she was satisfied he wouldn't turn right around and kill himself before he'd given his body a chance to heal properly.

When her alarm went off at six-thirty, she slapped it and grudgingly threw back her blankets. It got colder outside each night, and so she'd taken to sleeping under three heavy comforters, which was fine for as long as she was snuggled under them -- but the moment morning came she regretted it. As it was, she wrapped her arms around herself and hurried to her bathroom, cursing ripely when she realized the door was closed and locked.

She stood just outside of it for a few beats, shivering in her far-from-modest nightie, before giving in to the need to seek warmth and heading back down the hall. Because the spare room was just before hers, she paused next to it and opened the door, curiosity driving her to see how messily her former teacher slept.

The bed was made flawlessly, almost scary with the tight corners and carefully tucked in sheets, mostly because Sakura herself was lucky if she remembered to even straighten out the blankets. The clothes she'd set out for him to wear to bed were neatly folded and positioned precisely in the corner of the desk, which had been cleared of all of his possessions and wiped down.

Pushing the door open fully, she stepped inside, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she noted there were no smudges on the floor from his dirty sandals. In fact, the room didn't even smell of anything in particular, which meant he'd disposed of his clothes somehow when she wasn't aware of it.

He'd done a lot of things between the last time she'd checked on him and when she'd finally woken up for her day.

Rubbing her hands briskly up and down her arms to try to inspire some warmth, Sakura turned and nearly ran right into Kakashi. Framed by the doorway, he was leaning against it with his arms crossed and his hair falling into his eyes, looking somewhat amused to see her. When she gasped and reared back as if to punch him, he did look slightly panicked for a moment, but she quickly checked herself and settled for glaring.

"What are you doing sneaking up on me? That's a good way to get yourself knocked flat," She scolded, bunching her hands into fists at her sides.

Lifting one hand, he massaged the back of his neck. "Sorry."

She forgot her ire as soon as he spoke and instead beamed at him. "Oh, good. I was hoping your vocal chords wouldn't be paralyzed too long. It's creepy having someone around who never speaks. I'm used to too many loudmouthed men."

Raising her hands, she waved them at him in a shooing motion. He obliged, pushing off the frame and stepping aside so that she could walk past him. Because she needed something to do with her hands, Sakura tugged at the hem of her nightie, suddenly embarrassed by its length now that she was standing in front of Kakashi fully clothed. When she was alone, it did matter how she dressed, but it was a little weird to be in her nightclothes in front of her former teacher.

"So, I'm going to get dressed and then I'll make some breakfast. Don't go anywhere," She added, expression suddenly severe. "I'm willing to bet you pulled some of those wounds apart again while you were sleeping, so I'll probably have to do more work on you."

Kakashi pushed his bangs out of his eyes, glanced away. "Ah, thanks."

Stopping, she eyed him suspiciously. "For what? For doing my job? There's no reason to thank me, sensei."

Even so, a small part of her ego, abused and often trodden on as it was, glowed. It wasn't often that her work was recognized, much less appreciated.

He met her eyes again, and there was no doubt this time that a smile was hidden behind his mask. "But I can see you like it."

A little embarrassed to be read so easily, she crossed her arms and half-turned away from him. "Well, everyone likes to know they're appreciated."

Kakashi shifted, a little awkward in the borrowed clothes that exposed a good two inches of his ankles over his socks and were cropped a tad bit short on the wrists. There was a long silence before he asked, "Aren't you cold?"

Understanding that the topic was dismissed, and a little thankful for it, Sakura waved a hand over her shoulder. "You should worry about yourself. I'll be fine."

As she headed back to her room to pick out an outfit, she thought she heard him say something, but couldn't quite make out the words. Somehow, she thought she wasn't supposed to.

When she came into the kitchen, Kakashi was seated at her table with a cup of tea in his hands, looking thoughtfully out the window. He seemed a bit out of place, much taller than she and so he had to stretch his legs out underneath her table, but he didn't seem to mind as he sipped his tea and ignored her approach.

As was her usual morning routine, she'd tossed her hair into a high ponytail and dressed in comfortable pants and a loose top. However, as she got the ingredients out for a simple breakfast, she took more than twice what she usually did. Not only did Sakura eat small portions, but Kakashi was recovering from serious injuries and so his body would require much more protein than hers would.

"I have to meet with the council today, so you can come with me and give your report then," Sakura offered, turning on her oven and keeping her back to him as she spoke.

He was quiet for a moment, but she could feel his eyes on her back when he replied. "That makes sense."

Glancing over her shoulder, she raised an eyebrow. "Why do I hear something else in your voice?"

Eyes crinkling with humor, he murmured, "You've gotten better at reading people."

Jabbing an accusing finger at him, she returned, "And that's not an answer."

He set his tea down. "Hmm. Maybe I think that you only offered to keep an eye on me."

Because that was exactly why she wanted him to go see the council with her, Sakura couldn't help the flush that spread across her cheeks. Turning again, she began to mix ingredients, wondering why she was so easy to see through. Was he really that good, or was she just a simple person? She didn't like to think so, but maybe it was the case.

She thumbed a cube of butter into a skillet, was satisfied by the hiss as it slid across the surface and melted. "Your injuries were very severe, sensei. As a medical nin, I can't just let you rush off and do something reckless after you came to me for help."

The chair scraped across the floor and he came to stand beside her, their hips bumping in the limited space between the oven and the sink. As she focused on cooking, he began to wash out his cup. "I know."

Pleased, she asked, "Is your chest giving you any trouble?"

He didn't look at her. "Some."

Sakura nodded, having expected as much. "You'll have to retrain your lungs to operate at their former capacity. That poison isn't kind, and you aren't young enough to expect your body to just bounce back without help."

His voice carried a wounded note that made her smile. "You don't have to be so blunt. I'm not that old."

Cocking one hip, she raised both her hands and began counting. "Let's see, if I'm twenty-five, that makes you... thirty-eight, right? You're almost forty, Kakashi-sensei. Definitely no spring chick."

He narrowed one eye at her, and there was a definite sulk in his tone. "I'm not forty yet."

Her smile widened and she elbowed him, but lightly. "There's no shame in growing old. I, of course, know Tsunade-hime's jutsu, so I'll always be.."

Trailing off, because that wound was still fresh, she sobered immediately and sighed. Without thinking, she rubbed the heel of her palm over her heart, as if that would somehow ease the ache.

"You were on a mission, weren't you?"

Surprised that he was pursuing the topic, Sakura glanced over quickly, but couldn't read anything in his expression. Because it hurt more to look into his face, she turned back to the food, busied her hands while she spoke. "Yes. Naruto, Shikamaru and I were on the eastern border, and didn't hear the news until we returned."

She'd cried, she remembered, and had screamed at the ANBU who had let Tsunade be drawn into isolation for the battle. Naruto had held her back, forced her to calm down, and she'd eventually broken down in his arms and wept bitterly until she had no energy left. But she still couldn't forgive the men who had failed in their duty to protect the Hokage, even if she knew Tsunade herself would have scoffed at the idea.

Keeping her gaze carefully on her hands, Sakura said quietly, "It still hurts."

He didn't respond for a time, and the only sound was of the water running over the cup as he turned it over in his hands. Sakura almost started to think he wouldn't say anything and she would need to change the subject when he cleared his throat, then fell into another silence.

It wasn't until she looked over, saw that he, too, was staring at his hands, that she gained some comfort.

"It always will."

Sakura's brow furrowed and she looked up sharply into his face. "Kakashi-sensei, those aren't very comforting words."

He met her eyes, and said simply, "They're the truth."

She considered that for a moment, wondered if it meant he still hurt for the people he'd loved and lost. Growing up, she'd always known that Kakashi carried a much heavier burden than he liked to let on, but she'd never really _thought_ about it. He'd seen more death and suffered more loss than she could dream of, but he hid it so well that it was difficult to remember to look, much less notice. There was something admirable in that, but also very sad.

Turning the heat down, Sakura moved away from him to get two plates. "I'll look at your wounds again, and then we can go to the council."

Kakashi turned off the water and wiped his hands dry on his pants. "Ah, can we stop by my place? I want to change into something that fits. These are Naruto's, aren't they?"

Squinting at them, Sakura returned, "I think they're Kiba's, actually."

Both of his eyebrows shot up, disappearing behind his bangs. "Oh?"

Annoyed, she all but snarled, "Don't say _oh _in such a meaningful tone. It's irritating, mostly because it reminds me I'm still single."

He chuckled, sitting down once more. "There's nothing wrong with being single. I've been single for years."

"No offense, sensei, but I'd like to have children _before _I'm forty."

"People always say no offense, but they know that what they're going to say will offend, so I don't see the point."

"What?" She asked, distracted as she dished up plates for them. "That doesn't make sense."

Eying her pointedly, he returned, "Neither does saying no offense right before you imply I'm too old for children."

Setting a plate in front of him, she wondered aloud, "Do you even want kids?"

He seemed to consider it, waited until she was seated across from him to shake his head. "No."

Exasperated, she demanded, "Then why do you even care?"

He shrugged and began to eat. Sakura rolled her eyes, crossed her feet at the ankles, and did the same.

-----

Shorter this time, but I'm tired after such a long shift at work and I think this is a good place to stop this chapter. Development of the relationship will be slow, but that's a good thing, I think. Maybe I'll have another chapter tomorrow, but thanks for reading!


	3. Part Three

_Spin _

Chapter Three

Sakura sat cross-legged in front of Kakashi, her medical supplies strewn in a carefully organized line, as he peeled his shirt off and set it aside. The wound stretching across his chest was an odd combination of the old and new, a fresh scar that had been split open again by recent battles and aggravated to a deeper degree. Though she had settled for simply binding his injuries with chakra before, she knew that if she expected him to give his body half a chance to heal, she would have to rely on more traditional methods.

Balancing a tray across her knees, Sakura carefully threaded a medical needle and ignored his somewhat pained look. "I'll give you something to numb the area, but it'll be tender for a while. And these stitches won't dissolve, so you'll have to be patient and wait until I remove them myself."

Rubbing his fingers along his chin, Kakashi made a noise deep in his throat, but had no other comment. With patient hands, she began to clean his wound, carefully navigating the puckered and abused flesh to minimize the total bleeding.

Because it comforted her and, most often, distracted her patients, Sakura continued to speak to him. "After I take care of this, I have a few tests I want you to take so that I can measure the strength of your lungs. Then we can form a strategy for your physical therapy."

Kakashi placed his hands at his sides, fingers splayed against the hardwood as she worked her way down to the end of his abused flesh, just above the line of his hip. "Just my lungs?"

Dipping her fingers into a jar of orange paste, Sakura rubbed the tips of them together and began to apply it to the skin just around his wound. "No, the poison managed to attack your heart as well, but either luck or excellent strategy on your part saved it. No lasting damage, though you'll have to adopt a much more strict cardio workout in order to build the strength up again and maintain it."

He grunted in response, and she smiled a little. "Or you could just retire from active duty and take up a position at the school."

Slowly, he swiveled his head until he was looking directly into her face, and his expression was not an amused one. "I had enough of children with you three. I don't think I have the patience to teach."

Sakura grinned in response. "I always thought you were pretty patient."

He shook his head, managed not to wince when she began the arduous process of stitching up the long gash down his chest. "Graduates are the youngest I can handle."

Bracing one hand against his chest, both to hold him steady and to give herself a base, Sakura continued to suture, her mind focused on the task, but still able to maintain a fairly simple conversation. "I guess that's why you don't want children, hm?"

As she moved down his chest, her left hand bumped along aged scars, and she wondered at them. Though her touch was soft and fleeting, she imagined Kakashi felt every brush, and so tried to keep the contact to a minimum. Still, she found that her fingers would linger over a hint of raised flesh, feel the edges of a scar that spoke of rudimentary healing abilities.

Probably his own, she realized. On missions where there were no healers, if he was wounded, he would have likely taken care of it himself. No doubt if he hadn't been poisoned and rapidly failing by the time he came into Konoha, he wouldn't have even stopped by her apartment. Probably wouldn't have even thought of it. That was a bit hurtful, but it was also his nature, she knew.

"No, that's not why."

Having almost forgotten they were speaking, Sakura glanced up from underneath her lashes, eyed him curiously. "Why not, then?"

It was a personal question and she was probing, so Sakura didn't really expect him to answer. Though it seemed her former teacher knew everything there was to know about her and Naruto, they had been given very little about him in return. He preferred it that way, and in recent years she'd come to think of it as a defense mechanism of sorts. Though perhaps it was too much an instance of painting him the wounded hero, but she thought that Kakashi had let himself become too close to people in the past, and it had hurt him deeply when he'd lost them. Therefore, he wasn't going to risk that situation again, and so didn't share himself with others.

She didn't particularly care for that, as those people she loved she gave all of herself to, but she could recognize the symptoms of such a situation. After all, hadn't she fallen hard for a young man who had behaved exactly the same way? And hadn't she loved him for years beyond what he deserved, offered so much of herself to someone who wouldn't accept it?

So she knew what it was like to deal with someone who locked themselves away. It was a good thing that, this time, she wasn't in love with him, though. She didn't think her heart could take that a second time around.

As the silence drew on between them, Sakura abandoned hope of getting an answer, and instead turned all her attentions to binding his injury. Because she paid meticulous attention to the path of the wound and took great pride in her work, her stitches were neat and nearly perfectly aligned, snaking down his chest like a barred serpent. She didn't rush herself but was efficient enough that it took very little time.

Scooting forward, she unfolded her legs and positioned them on either side of his body, hunching over so that she could get a better angle on the last little curve above his hip. He didn't speak aloud, but she sensed a tensing in his muscles. No doubt he didn't like her being so close, and without the barrier of his shirt between them. She could understand that, even if there was no chance she would take advantage of the situation for reasons other than the purely medical.

As she pulled the last stitch, she smiled in a satisfied sort of way and proclaimed, "All done. That wasn't so bad."

Rubbing one hand over his heart, Kakashi raised a brow at her. "Says the woman who was manipulating the needle."

Twisting her upper body so that she could clean up her supplies, Sakura rolled her eyes. "Somehow, I think you'll survive."

He smiled, but she couldn't see it. "Mm. What about these exercises?"

"Oh!" Clipping the top of her supply box closed, Sakura stood quickly, casting him an appreciative look over her shoulder. "I'll go get it. Just a minute."

She was thinking of testing out a new technique on him, one that she'd casually discussed with Tsunade a month before. It was a method for healing and strengthening the lungs that wasn't practiced in the hospital because it was a very new idea, but she wanted to get some evidence that it would work so that it _could _be used. Sakura thought that if it was given the chance, it could revolutionize the healing process.

Of course, that just meant they would be healing people faster to send them right back out onto the battlefield, but...

A quick search of her medical closet revealed what she was looking for, and Sakura came back out with it in her arms. She wasn't surprised to see that Kakashi had risen and was leaning against her wall, arms crossed, despite all the work she had just done on his chest.

Giving him a stern look, she asked, "Are you going to behave with those stitches, or do I need to confine you to bed rest?"

He scratched his chin. "Bed rest might not be so bad."

Stopping in front of him, she held out the instrument to measure the strength of his lungs. It looked a bit like a water bottle, but the markings down the side were much different; as he breathed into it, she would record the strength of the breaths, and decide what to do from there.

He accepted it, and waited until she began to dig in her pockets for a roll of bandages before he slipped the mouthpiece under his mask. Sakura looked up, narrowed her eyes at him, but didn't say anything about it. "I won't let you read your perverted books as punishment if I have to order bed rest, you know."

Sakura tapped his elbows, and he lifted his arms agreeably while he breathed into the instrument and she began to wrap his chest. The last thing she wanted was for his stitches to get infected, because not only would that mean more work for her, but it would undermine his confidence in her abilities. And no matter what, Sakura didn't want to give anyone an excuse to think that she was anything less than deserving of the title of Tsunade's number one pupil.

Everything she'd learned, all that she'd struggled for, she had the former Hokage to thank for. And she wouldn't let her down, even after she was gone.

She ripped the bandage off at the end, tucked it under another fold to ensure that it held. When she glanced up, it was to see him watching her, and she would have laughed at the comical sight of him with a straw sticking up underneath his mask if not for the quiet, thoughtful consideration in his eyes.

When was the last time he had looked at her like that? Or anyone, for that matter. She couldn't remember.

Not sure why her heart stumbled, she flushed a bit and stepped back, propping her hands on her hips and staring determinedly at the readings on the tube. Patiently, he gripped the sides and continued to breathe, until she decided that she had enough information.

"That's fine, sensei." She took the bottle from him, her hands closing over his own, and watched as he pulled his head back and the mouthpiece came out from under his mask. Gently, he slipped his hands out from underneath hers, and slid them in the pockets of his pants.

Noting the reading, she turned away from him and headed back to her room. It was colder outside than she liked it to be, and so while she was in there she grabbed a jacket and tossed it over her arm. Kakashi would probably be a little cold, but she didn't have anything that would fit him, and they would be stopping by his house anyway, so it didn't really matter.

After they spoke with the council, he would no doubt want to go back to his own home and spend the rest of his recovery there. That would be inconvenient for her, because it was out of her way no matter how she looked at it, but she would just have to adjust. She'd decided already to see his recovery through to the end, because she didn't know if she trusted another medical nin to do it properly and she knew that _he_ couldn't be trusted to make sure it was completed before he ran off on another mission. So, even though it would add on to her daily duties, she would just have to deal with it.

When she returned, Kakashi had put on his shirt and was waiting for her by the door, as she expected. She offered him a brief smile as she pulled on her jacket, and asked, "Ready?"

He nodded, and they set out together. Sakura had been pleased to see that, judging by his performance on the simple test, his lungs were still reasonably strong. He wouldn't have any trouble walking or even running, but if he tried to fight anyone, he would quickly tire. Part of the physical therapy she had planned for him involved sparring with her each morning to increased levels of exertion, both to test how fast he recovered, and to show him that the limitations of his body.

She somehow figured that if Kakashi wasn't given concrete evidence that he wasn't in good enough shape to be fighting, he would sign himself up for more missions. Ever since they'd grown older and had passed the time where they needed him for guidance and leadership, he'd taken on excessively difficult missions, disappearing for days to weeks at a time. Sakura wondered if it was because he was lonely, but she'd never dared to ask.

Slanting him a glance, she studied his profile, wondered. He'd never struck her as a sociable man, but it couldn't be denied that as a team they'd spent countless hours together. Had he gotten used to the constant company and then, when it vanished, been forced to seek other ways to fill his time? He had his novels, of course, but reading was a solitary activity.

As much as he liked to give the impression that he was a man best suited to time spent alone, she thought that he actually disliked being by himself most of the time. She knew Naruto, for all his loud mouth and busy ways, hated to be left to his own devices. Though their manners were quite different, given Kakashi's more subtle personality, she thought a similar desire to be around others, and to be liked by those others, also existed.

The wind rustled his hair, and she was glad for the fact that he was wearing his headband and so couldn't notice her scrutiny. She'd never really looked at him; as a child, she'd been too busy following Sasuke with her eyes, mind and heart to notice anyone else.

She couldn't say he was conventionally attractive. He hid too much of his face for her to be able to tell, and from what she could see, he had simple features. Still, there was an intelligence in his eyes that could grip attention, a misery lurking just behind his careless smiles that easily intrigued the curious-minded.

He looked over at her, and she blinked. Then, to cover her sudden embarrassment at being caught looking, she asked quickly, "Should I come over in the mornings or after I get off work?"

They passed a small house, and the children playing outside didn't bother to stop in their rigorous game of ninja. He shrugged. "Either is fine. Whatever works best for you."

She almost thought about asking him to stay with her, but decided that would sound weird. Aside from that, he would say no, and so it would lead to an awkward situation.

Pushing her bangs away from her forehead, she glanced up at the clouds and mentally rearranged her schedule. "Well, I'll come by tonight after work and see how you're doing."

"I'll be awake."


	4. Part Four

_Spin_

Chapter Four

"So you're really sure you can't just, you know, push them out early. Or something."

Glancing over her shoulder, an amused smile on her face, Sakura shook her head at Ino. Though her best friend turned rival turned best friend again often liked to complain, loudly, about her condition, they both knew that she was excited to be a mother and was mostly tired of the waiting game. At seven months, Ino was hugely pregnant with twins and was teetering dangerously close to bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy. It was only because her husband pampered her and practically tied her down when he left for work each day that she had eluded it so far.

"Ino, you know twins are usually premature anyway. We don't want you having them any sooner than we have to." Pausing next to her, Sakura rubbed her belly and smiled. "We want your babies to be plenty healthy."

Rolling her eyes, Ino exhaled heavily and draped her hands over the top of her stomach. "As if they could be anything but. Shikamaru bitches at me day and night if I even think about lifting a pillow for myself."

Chuckling, Sakura dabbed oils on her hands and rubbed them together briskly. "It's nice that he cares about you so much."

"He damn well ought to!" She exploded, raising one hand and clenching it into a fist. "Or he's never getting sex again."

Kneeling, Sakura began to massage the oils along Ino's calves, and earned a heartfelt, pleasured sigh in response. "After he sees you giving birth, he just may not want to."

Ino tipped her head back. "My man's a lot of things, but he's no weenie. Well, except when it comes to his toes. He hates when anything happens to his toes."

Pulling Ino's foot into her lap, Sakura gently kneaded it, raising an eyebrow as she glanced up. "That's a weird quirk. But then, he's married to _you_, so.."

"Hah, hah." The blonde didn't bother to lift her head. "Ugh, I guess everyone else could see it all along, but it scared the shit out of me when I realized we were perfect for each other."

Sakura smiled again, reaching for her oils and slicking more along her palms. She remembered that day well. "I think I got that, what with you running into my house with your hair standing on end and no make-up on. What was it you said? 'Oh my God, I have to marry him!'" She chuckled, using the tips of her fingers to trace small circular patterns up the surface of Ino's leg. "And I thought you were pregnant _then_."

Ino roused herself to kick at Sakura, but the attempt was only half-hearted. "Shut up."

"It's cute. I was a little jealous." Ducking her head so that her hair obscured her expression, Sakura added, "But at least I get to spoil your babies."

"Are you kidding? Shikamaru and I have discussed just having you move in. I'm afraid I'm going to kill them without another woman around to take charge and let me regain my sanity when they start screaming."

Sakura started on the other leg, shook her head. "You'll be fine. You're going to be a great mother. And Shikamaru will be a great father too, as long as he doesn't overthink things."

"Yeah, and that's like asking the sun not to shine."

"Ino, don't be so pessimistic. You guys are going to be fine." Glancing up, Sakura patted her knee, mused that Ino wouldn't have been able to see her comforting expression over her massive stomach even if she'd been looking. "And your babies will have plenty of honorary aunts and uncles to dote on them, since most of us are still depressingly single."

"Oh, yeah." Grunting, Ino braced either side of her stomach with her hands and shifted so that she cool peer at Sakura over the top of it. "So when are you settling down anyway?"

Dryly, Sakura responded, "I'd have to go on a date first to do that."

Ino arched one brow. "Exactly. When's the last time you went on a date? Oh, yeah. Before I got pregnant. That's just sad, Sakura."

Rising, Sakura wiped her palms off on her apron and pinned her friend with a killing look. "Not all of us have the privilege of being lifelong friends with the man we're going to marry. And there are a lot of creepy guys out there."

"Tell me about it. I dated half of them." Wheezing out a breath, Ino looked like she was debating standing, and then decided against it. "I can set you up with a couple of non-creepy potentials."

Walking softly over to her sink, Sakura scowled. "I don't need you setting me up with the men you dumped, thanks. I'm perfectly capable of finding a boyfriend if I want one."

"But you aren't even _looking_." Ino's voice was trembling perilously near a whine. "Come on. Dating is fun. Hell, I'd date, except Shikamaru would kill me and I would have to let him."

"Don't even joke." Sakura lathered her hands up thoughtfully. "You two were made for each other. That's wonderful, but I don't think it happens for everyone."

"Oh, now that's just going to piss me off. And you do _not _want a big, fat pregnant woman mad at you."

"No, really." Turning, Sakura rested her hip against the counter, looked seriously into the face of her friend. It was something she'd given a lot of thought to, especially after her last earnest attempt at the dating game. "I'm not interested in happily ever after anymore. That just gets my hopes up too high, and I'm always disappointed by the men I date."

Glaring from across the room, Ino demanded, "Why shouldn't you get your hopes up? You're smart and pretty, you've got a good job, and you can damn well take care of yourself without any man's help. You're a great catch. Men would be lining up at the doorway asking you out, except you turn them all down."

Lips turning downward unhappily, Sakura crossed her arms at her waist and looked away. "I'm not really interested in seeing anyone right now. I never get that spark, you know? I just think, here's something else I need to fit into my schedule."

"That's because you're obviously dating the wrong men. Just let me set you up on one blind date."

"Ino, no." Sakura would have said more, but there was a quiet knock on her front door. Frowning, because she wasn't expecting anyone, she said, "Just a sec." and headed that way.

She opened the door and blinked. "Kakashi-sensei?"

Framed by sunlight, he seemed a little embarrassed to have shown up at all, and was dressed far more casually than she usually saw him. No vest, and with small pouch at his hip that she assumed contained one of those perverted books he was always reading. He scratched the back of his neck with one hand, looking down at her, before he spoke.

"Ah, Sakura. Can I come in?"

She stepped aside to allow him in out of habit rather than actual consideration, and asked, "Is something wrong?"

He eyed her curiously. "Does something have to be wrong for someone to stop by?"

She frowned at that, because even though it shouldn't have been true, too often it was. "Of course not. I just thought.. never mind. Ino and I are in the other room, you can come in. We just finished up."

He followed her silently, and they were both in time to see Ino struggling to lift herself to a standing position. With a helpless laugh, Sakura moved forward and took both of her arms, pulling her easily to her feet and grinning.

"Thanks. God, I can't wait until I'm skinny again." Peering over Sakura's shoulder, Ino looked surprised and demanded, "What're you doing here?"

Kakashi seemed amused. "Hello."

"God, Ino." Releasing her friend, Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'm a medical nin, remember? I'm helping Kakashi-sensei after his last mission."

"Who works at the hospital, _hello_. I told you, you've got to stop doing house calls. They're never going to leave you along because they know you'll never make them stop."

Cheeks pinkening, Sakura hissed, "It's not a problem for me, Ino. Drop it."

"She's right."

Both women turned and stared at Kakashi with varying degrees of shock in their expressions. He seemed uncomfortable with the scrutiny, and shrugged. "Everyone needs time off."

Ino nodded, looking triumphant. "See? It's not just me. You need your own life, Sakura. So, I'll call you tomorrow, and we'll work out the details of your date, okay?"

Kakashi looked between the two of them as Sakura snapped, "You can call me, but I'm not going on any date."

Waddling past them, Ino patted Kakashi on the arm and smiled. "Thanks for agreeing with me. See you later, Sakura!"

The door closed soundly behind Ino and left the two of them standing in her kitchen, Sakura very obviously trying to contain her frustration, Kakashi simply looking thoughtful.  
"You know, I'm really tired of people meddling in my life." With bad-tempered jerks, she began to replace her collection of aroma therapy oils. "It's my business if I want to treat people at home, or go on a date, or _not _go on a date."

"Hm." Though it was more a murmur than anything, it seemed to be all the encouragement Sakura needed.

"Who is she to try to babysit me, anyway? I'm a grown woman!" Wheeling around, temper hot in her eyes and cheeks, she jabbed an accusing finger at him. "And you, agreeing with her! I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions, and I realize very well that rest and recuperation are required for every human being, thank you. I only make my living taking care of other people."

He held up his hands in a defensive position, tried for a cajoling tone. "Ino is just worried about you."

"I don't need her to worry about me! She should be worrying about herself and staying healthy for her babies, and Shikamaru, and what kind of parents they're going to be. It's very important they're unified on that, or it can really mess things up, you know."

When she swept past him, he angled his body, gave her space so that she wouldn't accidentally -- or perhaps on purpose -- ram him with her shoulder. "Does it bother you when people worry about you?"

Without thinking, Sakura blurted, "Yes!"

He hesitated, then asked, "Why?"

All at once, her anger drained, and she stopped halfway through the motion of kicking a take-out box across the floor. Why _did _it bother her? Maybe because she was used to being the one who did all the worrying. Ever since she'd been a child, she'd always tried her hardest to be someone that the adults around her could rely on to take care of herself. She had taken so much pride in being considered independent, had gleaned more satisfaction from the praise of her teachers than she had any indication of favor from her peers. Was it just habit to shoulder all of her own concerns and focus on other people?

Probably, but why should it make her feel so uncomfortable to have other people worry about her, when even now that was what she did every day? Being a medical nin, she saw so much misery and pain, and she couldn't help but want to fix every little ache that she saw. Maybe she hadn't changed as much as she'd at first thought.

Dropping her hands to her sides, she turned slowly, looked up into his face. Honestly, she replied, "I don't know. I guess... I guess I just don't like it."

He fingered his chin, gaze calm and even on her face. "You're too used to worrying about everyone else."

Her face heated again, and she asked, "Is that such a bad thing?"

He shrugged. "Yes and no."

Throwing her hands in the air, she demanded, "Would it kill you to give me a straight answer to one question?"

Stepping forward, he gently cupped her wrists, slowly lowered her hands. "Yes because it makes you abrasive and difficult to talk to. No because you have an enormous, caring heart and the people you love benefit."

Her breath caught in her throat, and she wasn't sure it was just because of what he was saying. His closeness, coupled with the loose grip he still had on her wrists, caused her heart to beat faster, her palms to suddenly go damp. The change was reflected in her eyes with a sudden confusion, and he seemed to read it, instantly recognize it, and back away.

Lifting her hands, she flexed her fingers and marveled at her body's sudden and intense reaction to Kakashi's proximity. There, she realized, was the spark she'd mentioned to Ino that she just hadn't been able to find.

Stepping forward where he had retreated, she began, "Sensei, I-"

"I should go."

The statement was abrupt enough that it startled her into stillness. "What, why?"

He didn't meet her eyes, and instead seemed to find interest in her window once more. "You work tonight, don't you? I'll leave a light on."

He was back-pedaling rapidly, and Sakura couldn't think fast enough to come up with an excuse to force him to stay. "Yes, I'll be by, but-"

Facing her once more, he smiled. "I'll see you later, Sakura."

Curling one hand into a fist, she brought it up to her heart as she watched him leave, oddly crushed by the loss of his company. The visit had been so fleeting, and she wanted answers for whatever it had been that had just passed between them. If anything, Sakura knew she wasn't the only one who had felt it, and that made her want to know even more.

Still, she resisted following him to the door, and instead dragged a hand through her hair. Her heart was still stuttering from the encounter, and she wondered what that meant.

Narrowing her gaze at the window, she murmured, "What's got you running scared?"


	5. Part Five

_Spin _

Chapter Five

As promised, a light was burning in one window of his house, and Sakura used it to guide her along the lonely, empty path that she'd added to her routine over the last few weeks. Lately, she'd been using Kakashi as her excuse to only work single shifts, and sometimes she felt bad about it. He didn't exactly need nightly attention, but she felt uneasy if she left him to his own devices too long, and she couldn't deny that she was feeling more like a human being now that she was getting at least six hours of sleep a night.

Brushing a hand down the front of her tunic, making a face at the smears of blood on it, she wondered if she had a single clean one left. It seemed pointless to try to get the stains out, because she got most of the critical patients and they tended to bleed profusely, but still. It looked bad for the staff to be covered in old bloodstains when they were tending patients.

Stepping onto his porch, she wiped her feet on the mat as she knocked. Only a few seconds passed before she heard footsteps approaching, which made her think he'd been waiting for her.

For some reason, the thought of him anticipating her arrival made her want to loosen her collar.

He opened the door dressed in a black tank top and baggy pants, posed casually with a book hanging limp from his fingers, feet bare. She blinked against the light, bringing a hand up to shield her eyes, and asked, "Have you been waiting long?"

"Not really. This is the time you usually get off, so I was expecting you soon."

She offered him a small smile as she walked in, slipping off her shoes and sighing aloud at the comfort of hardwood against her feet. Pride warred with comfort and the former won, so she ignored her own feet in favor of concentrating on Kakashi's exercises. The sooner they finished, the sooner she could go home and relax, after all.

It impressed her each time she saw the simple, clean lines of his apartment, but she'd decided early on not to comment. She didn't want Kakashi to think she was paying too much attention to his surroundings, because that would no doubt have him closing off from her in yet another respect. She was surprised he let her meet him at his house; it seemed so personal for a man like him, but she couldn't deny that part of her enjoyed it.

Her former teacher was a riddle, and she was having fun discovering the different layers to him. Each time she found out something new, it just made her more curious about him. Sometimes, she wondered if that was a bad thing, but mostly, she tried to ignore her inner voice.

It never let her have any fun, after all.

He shut the door softly behind them, and Sakura made herself at home in his kitchen. As she began to boil water for tea, she asked, "Have you been practicing the exercises I showed you?"

Setting his book aside, Kakashi joined her in the kitchen, but she noticed he kept a considerable distance. "Mm. But I think I'm doing them wrong."

Eyebrows arching, she asked, "The Copy Nin, performing a jutsu incorrectly?"

"Hah, hah. The concept is fine, but I've never been good at healing jutsu. I think I'm stressing the wrong areas of my lungs."

Turning to face him, she shook her head. "I'll show you again. You need to take this seriously, you know. I'm going out on a limb with you."

He shrugged, tensed almost imperceptibly as she laid her hands flat against his chest. The actual contact wasn't necessary, and they both knew Sakura did it to see what reaction she would get. Deliberately, he relaxed, and she focused on the back of her hands.

"Focus your chakra in your lungs. If it helps you, visualize them filling when you take a breath, emptying when you release one. Right now, your lungs won't want to work nearly as hard as they used to, so you'll have to assist them and then, over time, lessen the chakra and see if your body can keep up the same level of exertion."

She helped him, using her own chakra to manipulate the motions of his lungs, until she felt him take over. She retracted her chakra but held her position, hands against his chest, for a few seconds longer than necessary.

"Got it?"

Looking up under her lashes, she saw him watching her with that same peculiar look from before, and he slowly nodded. Sakura smiled, took a step back, and let her hands fall away.

"That's good. What kind of tea do you want tonight? I think you have some citrus left."

"That's fine."

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Sakura turned her attentions back to the water, turned the heat off and poured it into two waiting cups to allow the tea to steep. A comfortable silence descended between them, and she couldn't help but think of how cozy it felt.

Facing him once more, she braced her hands against his counter and hoisted herself up on top of it. He watched her do so, looked away when she made it obvious that she noticed.

"I have a day off tomorrow."

Kakashi didn't comment, but she knew he was listening. So, holding her hands out so that she could inspect her fingernails, she continued. "I think we should spend the day together."

He looked over, and his eyes were cautious. "Sakura." His tone held a warning, but she deliberately ignored it.

Innocently, she asked, "What?"

Reaching up, he massaged his temples with the tips of his fingers. "There's no reason to spend the entire day together."

Because he made it sound like a chore, she looked up sharply. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Surprised, he replied, "There wasn't a hidden meaning."

A little hurt and unable to hide it, as she had never been adept when it came to masking her emotions, she demanded, "Is it such a hardship?"

He seemed uncomfortable, and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "No. Not really."

Restless, Sakura hopped down from the counter, pushed her sleeves up to her elbows. "Then what's the problem? It's not like I'm asking much of you. Just some company for a day."

He brought his hand to the back of his head, rolled his neck and carefully glanced away. "I'm sure Ino would appreciate some company."

Guilt was a sharp, swift pain, but she ignored it. Sakura tried to spend time with Ino at least every few days, especially now that she was getting so late in her pregnancy. They'd decided months back that Sakura would deliver her babies, and so it was important that they had regular meetings. Still, that didn't mean that the only person she was allowed to see when she wasn't working was her childhood friend.

"You just don't want to spend time with me." Stepping forward, she jabbed a finger in his chest, deliberately avoiding the still-tender areas. "Why's that, sensei? There was no problem before. Is your ego wounded because it's taking you longer to recover this time?"

It was an empty excuse, the first reason that popped into her head. Still, she ran with it, hoping to coax out of him a reason for his self-imposed solitude. Though Kakashi was far from easy to manipulate, she thought they'd grown closer over the years, so maybe he would confide in her if he knew that she really wanted to know.

If he knew that she _cared_.

Curling her hand into a fist, she softened her tone, and asked, "Or is it something else?"

He looked down at his chest, where her small hand gripped the fabric of his shirt. And then he sighed, brought his own hand up, slowly uncurled her fingers and removed it. "It doesn't matter what the reason is."

Her face flushed and she drew her hand back, holding it defensively in front of her heart. Temper brightened her eyes, provoked by a fresh surge of embarrassment that urged her to back away. She wasn't used to being rejected by men, mostly because she never put herself in this position. She was always the one being pursued and, ultimately, gently breaking things off when it seemed the man wanted to get more serious than she felt she could let him.

But it wasn't as though she was asking him for a date. She didn't even want to date him; she just wanted to spend some time with him. Maybe she was attracted to him, and that was something she was still getting used to, but she'd never once said that she wanted to rush to the altar and _marry _him.

She wasn't a child anymore. She didn't believe in fairy tales and happily ever after, and she certainly wasn't naive enough to start spinning dreams around a man like Kakashi.

Eyes clouding, she whispered, "It matters to me. I thought we were friends, sensei."

He lifted his hands, held them in the air inches above her arms, then dropped them again. "Why are you doing this?"

Surprised, wondering why her heart rate was accelerating again, she turned her face up to his, brow furrowed. "Why am I doing what?"

The air between their bodies seemed to vibrate with some unknown charge. He looked into her eyes intently, searching them for answers to questions that he wouldn't, or couldn't, ask.

"I'm not the kind of man you should be spending your free time with," He said finally.

Tired and frustrated, she let her temper get the better of her and snapped, "Who are you to decide that for me? I'm not a child anymore, Kakashi-sensei, however _you _choose to look at me."

Spinning, she jammed her hands in her hair, knocking the tie free and sending it tumbling around her shoulders. She only made it two steps before he was behind her, snagging her around the waist with one hand, drawing her back toward him. Her heat leapt once, and heat crawled down her neck at the sudden contact.

It wasn't as though they'd never touched.

But he'd never touched her quite like that.

Eyes widening, she stared ahead, unable to speak, unsure of what she would say if she could. When he would have moved his hand, she quickly placed hers over it, stomach muscles jumping and clenching with nerves.

She closed her eyes, breathing unnaturally slow and heavy, and tried to swallow the sudden lump in her throat.

His voice was low and sent a shiver down her back when he spoke. "You have no idea how I look at you."

A thrill raced through her, and she was helpless but to allow him to slip his hand away from her stomach, over her hip.

Turning into him, struggling to catch her breath, she slowly brought her hands to his mask. Fingers trembled on the edge of it, and she rose on her tip-toes, heart hammering against her ribs in a heavy, uneven pattern. His fingers curled around her hips, dug in, drew her impossibly closer.

Her eyes, deep green and drenched in emotion, caught his mismatched ones, held. And she lowered his mask.

She couldn't tear her gaze away from his, but didn't find time to be disappointed when he lowered his mouth, caught hers. What began as tender quickly became bruising, a desperate crush of lips until she hooked her arm around his neck, pressed herself as close to him as she could, breaking the kiss only long enough to draw ragged breaths. He slipped a hand underneath her backside, lifted her up and against his chest, and she wrapped the length of her legs around his waist, tangled her hands in his hair.

There was no need for words between them; they both knew through silent understanding that conversation would only complicate, make them think twice. And she was so tired of thinking everything through.

Framing his face between her hands, she leaned forward, kissed his eyelids, nose, lips. She wasn't aware of their surroundings until he shoved open the door the bedroom, hit the backs of his knees against the bed and tumbled down onto it. Braced on top of him, she grabbed the hem of his tank top, pulled it up and over his head in one swift motion. She'd taken out his stitches only a few days before, and had re-healed the wound, but the skin was still raw and she imagined tender.

She stroked her fingers over the abused and raised flesh, marveling at how quickly his chest rose and fell, until he caught her hands and lifted them. Their gazes collided for only one breathless moment.

When he pulled the tunic top away from her skin and lifted it, she twisted her arms out of the sleeves and smiled.

The next morning, she woke tangled in sheets but alone in his bed. Though she'd been expecting it, she couldn't quite help the trickle of disappointment. As if to hide it from even herself, she turned her face into the pillow and breathed in heavily.

---

Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out! My personal life kind of blew up in my face, but I think I should have plenty of time to write at the airport, considering I'll be there from noon one day to about seven A.M. the next.

If this aspect of their relationship feels rushed, I really have no reasonable apology to make; I see Kakashi and Sakura as progressing much faster physically than they do emotionally. Don't think that simply because they've slept together the fic is drawing to a close. They still have a very long way to go.


	6. Part Six

_Spin_

Chapter Six

When she finally convinced herself to get out of bed, Sakura was a little embarrassed to still be completely naked. She wrapped the blanket around herself toga-style and crept along the room, picking up articles of clothing that had been hastily strewn the night before. Though there was no evidence that Kakashi had even been there, he hadn't touched her things, a fact that was slightly unsettling but really not surprising.

Cramming her clothes into a wad in her hands, thankful that she had the day off, Sakura hesitantly poked her head out of his bedroom, looking both ways down the hall to try to decide which way the bathroom was. Though she'd been in his house many times, she'd never actually gone past his living room or kitchen; there'd been no need before now. She doubted he was even around, and so there was really no need for her to be so cautious, but still she found herself holding her breath and tip-toeing down the hall.

His bathroom was small and cramped even by her standards, and once inside, she eyed his shower dubiously. There was barely enough room for a grown man to stand perfectly still under the spray of water, and Kakashi was fairly tall at that. She knew he could afford better living accommodations, and she wondered why he didn't.

Setting her clothes on the top of the toilet with a grimace, not wanting to know when the last time said object had been cleaned, she unwrapped the blanket from herself and quickly folded it. Somehow, Sakura didn't think that it would be all that big of a deal if she took a shower before she left, but even still, she would be fast about it.

Turning the spray on to nearly scalding, she slipped inside and tested the width of the stall. It would be a little tricky, but if she was careful, she'd be able to maneuver and not knock her elbows against the walls while she washed her hair.

Reaching for his soap, she hesitated a moment, face going crimson at the thought of using _Kakashi's _soap on her own body. It seemed ridiculous, considering she'd had much more than his soap all over her the night before, but there was something more intimate and a little bit embarrassing about using his simple, clean smelling soap in the shower.

Before she could think too much about it, she sucked in a quick breath and lathered up.

She closed her eyes under the spray of water, allowed herself to drift in her thoughts while she stood under the scorching cascade of water. Though she'd been a bit disappointed upon waking up to find herself alone, she'd thought about it a bit while she worked up the will to get out of bed, and decided it was for the best. Kakashi wasn't an emotionally involved man; though she couldn't deny that they felt something for each other, being former teammates and current friends, there wouldn't be any moonbeams and rose petals involved just because they'd shared a bed.

Shifting so that she could run the bar of soap along her shoulders, she sighed softly, unheard over the pounding of the shower water. He knew her well enough that he would probably expect her to react like a blushing virgin, despite the fact that he hadn't been her first by any means, and cling to him with dewy eyes and needy clutches. Worse, he'd seen her go through all the stages from puppy love to raging grief regarding her feelings for Sasuke, so he'd be assuming that she would romanticize the situation.

However, Sakura wasn't that little girl anymore. She didn't equate sex with love, and though she respected, admired, and liked her teacher very much, she certainly didn't love him.

Replacing the bar of soap with slightly trembling fingers, she groped blindly for his shampoo and squirted a small amount into the palm of her hand. As she scrubbed her hair, she tried to put her finger down on what exactly she _did _feel for Kakashi, so she could explain it to him in very simple terms that wouldn't send him running for the hills at the first opportunity.

While she wasn't going to demand anything extreme and committed from him, she wasn't prepared to let him turn what they'd had into a simple one night stand, either. It had been too long since Sakura was attracted to someone she could trust and admire, someone whose company she enjoyed regardless of what they were doing.

Tipping her head back, she let the water run down her face, running her hands briskly through her hair to wash the shampoo out. Steam curled around her feet when she stepped out of the shower, quickly toweled herself dry, and shimmied into her dirty clothes from the day before.

She stepped out of the bathroom, nearly screamed when she almost ran right into Kakashi.

Hand flying to her chest, she all but shouted, "For God's sake, what are you doing?"

A little amused by her outburst, he scratched his cheek with one finger, seemed to choose his words carefully. "Waiting for the bathroom?"

Feeling a blush crawl along her cheeks and throat, not at all the dignified image she'd wanted to present to him when she saw him again, Sakura tossed her head and started quickly toward the kitchen. "It's all yours."

Face still burning, she started the motions to prepare tea, recalling last night and how they'd never actually gotten around to drinking the tea that she'd made for them. Though she was still a little irritated that Kakashi had snuck up on her, she set two cups on the counter and measured enough water for both of them.

He came into the kitchen on silent feet, though she felt his presence without the need for conventional means of detection.

Keeping her voice casual, she asked, "Have you had breakfast?"

He opened up his refrigerator, began pulling out ingredients. "No. I had to go shopping this morning or we would've been eating plain white rice."

Something began to glow inside of her, but she was careful to keep her hands occupied and face averted from him so that he wouldn't see. So Kakashi hadn't just left because he didn't want her to wake up next to him. He'd been getting food so that they could share breakfast.

Unable to help herself, when she looked over, she shot him a full, bright smile. He seemed to falter for a moment, but quickly regained himself, smiled casually in return.

"That's great. I'll cook since you went shopping." Before he could protest, she snatched the carton of eggs out of his hand and pointed to the table. "Sit. Be comfortable."

She worked for a time in silence, getting breakfast started and tending to the tea when it whistled. Kakashi seemed lost in thought behind her, though that was nothing new, and though she seemed occupied by the tasks at hand, Sakura was actually mentally running through what she would say to him so that she didn't slip up.

When she set two plates down, poured their tea, and seated herself across from him, he seemed to pull himself back into the present, focus his gaze intently on her. Unconsciously, she blushed at the scrutiny, but willed herself to be nonchalant.

"After breakfast, you can do your breathing exercises, and since I don't have to work today, I'll change and come back so that we can spar." When he murmured an assent, she boldly met his eyes, challenged him to look into hers as she said, "After that, I'd like it if you came to the market with me today."

He hadn't touched his food yet, was simply watching her, and at this he frowned deeply. "Sakura-"

She held up one hand, smiled sweetly. "Before you say no, remember that you're not on active duty until I authorize it, and you have nothing else to do today anyway."

Folding his hands, he propped his chin up on them and looked at her levelly across the table. He didn't speak for a few moments, but his expression was thoughtful, his tone careful when he finally replied, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Ignoring what he wouldn't come right out and say, Sakura arched a brow and asked quizzically, "What, going to the market? I know sometimes they try to rip you off on cheap things, but sometimes you find good deals. I got my end table at the market last month, and it's quite nice, actually."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "You know that's not what I meant."

Deliberately, she took a bite of her food, chewed, swallowed. Then, expression full of honest curiosity, she asked, "What are you talking about? I can't see any other reason why it would be a bad idea."

For the first time, she saw a flash of annoyance in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced with blank unconcern. "Sakura, don't play dumb. It doesn't suit you."

Setting her chopsticks aside, Sakura placed her hands flat on the table, leaned forward slightly. "Why don't you just come out and say what you want to say?"

He hissed out a breath, leaned back in his chair. She could tell he wasn't pleased, and a small part of her took pleasure out of that. If he was going to make an ass out of himself with assumptions about her and what she expected from him, then she wanted him to do it without reasonable room for doubt.

"Fine. Sakura, we can't have a normal relationship like other people. It won't work between us."

Because she'd braced herself for the words, she didn't flinch. She simply raised one eyebrow, eyed him coolly. "When did I ever ask you for one?"

That seemed to throw him off track. Sakura couldn't help the smirk that lifted the corners of her mouth, but she tried to keep the triumph out of her eyes. She was smug to know that she'd guessed his thoughts correctly, but she didn't have to let him know that.

Lifting one hand, she gestured, palm-up. "I like you very much. I respect you. If being lovers means that we can't be friends any longer, then we'll end that aspect of our relationship right now. But I don't see why one has to interfere with the other."

When he didn't speak, she plunged on, feeling nervous for the first time since starting. The words were all the ones she'd practiced in her head, but he wasn't reacting the way she'd envisioned he would. "I'm a grown woman and I understand the demands and shortcomings of the way of life we lead. I also understand that for any mature, adult relationship to work, there need to be boundaries. I'm not asking you for anything that you haven't already given me, Kakashi."

The silence drew out between them until it was deafening, Sakura refusing to back down or lower her eyes, Kakashi's expression impossible to read from behind his mask. She thought that she'd blown it and gone too far, and the words were on her lips to try to correct it, when he slowly, carefully lowered his mask.

She blinked, watched transfixed as he lifted his chopsticks, held them loosely in his hand, and smiled at her.

"All right, Sakura."


	7. Part Seven

_Spin_

Chapter Seven

Sakura felt slightly more human after changing into her own clothes, but for the sake of time, she opted not to take a second shower for the day. Because it wasn't necessary for her to actually spar with Kakashi, as the object was getting him to exercise his lungs, she simply attacked him from several angles with clones until she judged he'd had enough. He hadn't really appreciated the fact that she'd sat on a stump and filed her nails, but she thought it was only fitting. After all, how many times had he read his books while she, Naruto, and Sasuke had attempted to best him?

Still, he seemed to be in good humor after they finished, and they walked side by side down the narrow dirt path from the training grounds back into the village in companionable silence. They didn't hold hands, didn't exchange secret looks, but somehow, she didn't really need to.

As they approached the heart of the village, the rumble of distant voices and the clatter of merchants began to filter toward them. Sakura enjoyed the open market, held only once a month, because she had an eye for bargains and a soft spot for pretty knick-knacks. Usually she would go with Ino, but between Ino's pregnancy and Shikamaru's missions, they rarely found a weekend alone to simply relax. So Sakura hadn't resented the abandonment as much as she normally would.

Shading her eyes against the midday sun, Sakura whistled. "It's busy this month. Usually the turnout isn't so good."

Kakashi grunted, and she couldn't help but giggle. He wasn't all that excited about the prospect of mingling with so many people, but she'd won that battle with small cost.

Cooking dinner didn't seem to be a terrible trade-off. She supposed Kakashi was just lazy, or perhaps very bad at the culinary arts, but either way, she wasn't going to complain.

Elbowing him playfully, she reminded him, "It's only for a few hours. I just want to see what they have."

He hiked a brow at her, but his expression wasn't unpleasant. "Don't remind me. There's a reason I never go to this."

"Hm. Maybe because you're an antisocial old man?"

"You're a mouthy little girl. Oh, for the days when you were cute and biddable..."

Feigning temper, she raised a fist, shook it at him. "So I'm not cute anymore?"

Patting her hand absently, the way an indulgent teacher would, he soothed, "You're very cute, Sakura-chan."

Turning her nose up, she crossed her arms and looked away, enjoying the light mood between them. "A woman doesn't want to be told she's cute."

He touched her elbow lightly, but when she looked over, his hands were securely in his pockets once more. His expression was mild, but she thought she saw a spark of mischief in his eyes. "I could tell you what I think..."

Brow furrowing, she prompted, "Well?"  
He relaxed his shoulders, smiled. "But that would be too easy."

Lip curling, she began, "Kakashi, you-"

"Hey, Sakura-chan! Kakashi-sensei!"

Both of them turned in time to see Naruto bounding toward them, freshly home from a mission and looking none the worse for it. His grin was mile wide, and despite the fact that he'd more than grown into the monkey limbs from his youth, he still moved with the same verve and energy that he'd displayed as an annoying graduate. The different between those two times was that Sakura had grown truly fond of him, and wasn't embarrassed anymore to show it.

Her own smile brightening at the sight of him, Sakura turned away from Kakashi and jabbed a finger in his direction. Though her face wasn't threatening, Naruto slowed his advance, just in case.

"What's this? Back in the village, and this is the first time I see you?" When he grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, she advanced, drilling a finger in his chest. "I see where I rank."

"Hey, it isn't like that!" Naruto complained, merry blue eyes bouncing from Sakura to their former teacher. They didn't hold long on the latter, however; turning back to his pretty teammate with an innocent smile, he held up his hands, palms out. "I stopped by your place, but you weren't home."  
Kakashi stiffened behind her, and Sakura went a little bit pink in the cheeks. Luckily, Naruto was still running with his narrative. "So I figured they had you working a late shift at the hospital, and I stopped by there, where I was attacked -- viciously mauled -- by the medical nin for a scratch!"

Somehow, taking in his expression, Sakura didn't think Naruto had particularly minded the "mauling" from the night staff. If she remembered, there were quite a few young and attractive girls, and ever since he'd become a sort of local hero, Naruto had quite the fan following.

"So I was stuck there for a while, and I finally managed to escape through cleverly combined strategy and brilliantly executed jutsu... only to find I'd dead-ended again."

Rolling her eyes, Sakura replied, "You could've just said you tried my house and the hospital and I wasn't there."

Naruto snickered. "Maybe some of the pervert old man rubbed off on me after all."

Sakura's eyes softened. Though it had been years since they'd lost Jiraiya, she knew Naruto still felt it keenly, just as she would always remember and mourn Tsunade. "Well, I suppose you can't get any worse..."

"Hey!" He grinned, though, and turned to Kakashi. "I talked to Kiba the other day, and he mentioned you'd gotten pretty banged up last mission."

Kakashi sighed. "He exaggerates..."

Holding up one finger, Sakura interjected, "Wanders to my house in the middle of the night, covered in blood and wounds, barely breathing... But you know. Kiba was exaggerating."

The older nin shot her a look, but Naruto spoke before he could. "Wow, you're lucky Sakura-chan's so great and she pieced you back together."

"Yes, well..." Kakashi trailed off, then eyed the pair of them. "You know, if you two want to go around the market together, I'll just go back..."

Sakura shot him a murderous look. "No, you promised."

Naruto blinked in the sudden silence, then cleared his throat. "I've got to go see the council anyway..."

Accepting his defeat, Kakashi's shoulders slumped and he nodded. "All right."

Naruto waved and jogged off, and Sakura fell into place next to Kakashi once more, though her mood had down spiraled a bit. She knew that he didn't exactly want to go, but he didn't have to make it so obvious. She was looking forward to the market, and she hated going places alone. Nothing spoke "single workaholic" louder than being seen by yourself at every public event, or worse, with a female friend.

Tucking her arms inside her sleeves, she pursed her lips and idly perused the baubles on display in the booths. She didn't really need anything fussy or pretty, because she rarely went out and even then it was usually a casual occasion with friends, but she still liked to feel feminine once in a while. Without really thinking, she picked up a hairpiece, held it so that the light caught it.

It was a butterfly, deep red and garnished with small, brightly sparkling stones. She liked it a lot, but didn't really have anything to wear with it. Half-turning without really looking back, she asked, "Isn't this pretty?"

Kakashi leaned over, eyed the comb. And he shrugged. "It looks fragile."

"Ugh, so like a man." Sakura set it back down, planted her hands on her hips and glared at him. "That wasn't the question. I think it's pretty. Of course, I've got nothing to wear it with and it would be a waste, but that's not the point."

He stared at her for a long moment, apparently lost for words, before shaking his head. "I see."

But she didn't think he did, really.

Moving on, Sakura ducked into a crowded stall covered by a tent top, and immersed herself in the yards of colorful fabric that adorned hangers all around. She hadn't bought a new yukata in ages, and there was a festival coming up to celebrate the last nice days before winter set in fully, so she could almost justify it.

Stroking her hand down the navy blue sleeve of one, she sighed, fingered the cuff.

"That would look pretty on you, miss."

Looking up, Sakura found herself cornered by a good natured looking salesperson, and she could've groaned. A lot of merchants from neighboring communities wandered down to Konoha with their wares for festivals, which meant that they were more often than not from poor communities and desperate to make a sale. She couldn't deny that his clothing was beautiful, but she hadn't actually intended to buy any.

"Thank you," She replied, smiling a little. "I'm just looking, though."

His eyes twinkled and he began to shift the racks aside, keeping an eye on her as he did so. "You'll need something lovely for the festival coming up, hm? Beauty like yours should be showcased."

Pleased even though she knew her ego was being manipulated, Sakura grinned and murmured, "Well, I haven't had a new one in a while..."

Innocently, he asked, "Surely your boyfriend pampers you?"

Sakura waved a hand. "I'm not seeing anyone." Was that still true? She decided not to think about it. "Even if I was, the men here don't know how to properly spoil a woman anyway."

"That's a shame." He seemed sincere, and moments later, held up a gorgeous yukata in deep red with silver accents. "You should come to my village. There's a shortage of stunning women these days."

Blushing, Sakura accused, "You're good. But I'm not going to be manipulated so easily into -- oh, but that is pretty."

Despite herself, she reached out, cradled the fabric between her hands as she examined the detailed work on the fabric. It would look _really _good on her, she could tell without even trying it on. It didn't hurt that the salesman was being so charming, either.

She bit her lip, debated. "I shouldn't try it on..."

Helpfully, the salesman slipped a pad of paper out of his pocket and quickly scrawled some writing across the top page. Tearing it free, he offered it to her with a benign smile. "Here. If you decide you don't like it, you can stop by my shop during your travels and return it for something else."

Sakura accepted the paper, squinted down at the writing. Then, looking up, she scolded, "I haven't even decided to buy it yet."

A small smile graced his lips, and he replied, "Perhaps I wanted to give you my address before I lost the opportunity."

A little taken aback by the bold statement, but nevertheless flattered, Sakura accepted the yukata and held it up. "You _are _good. I'll think about it."

"Hmm. That's a bold color."

Sakura jumped, swiveled and nearly bumped right into Kakashi. He was standing behind her with his hands in his pockets, expression considering as he eyed the yukata. Agreeably, she held it up against her body, holding it in place at her neck and lifting one sleeve with her other arm.

"Don't you think it would look good?"

He tilted his head from side to side, seemed to be seriously considering it, and then shrugged again. "Probably."

The salesman stepped forward, shook his head. "My opinion could be chalked up to ulterior motives, but I think it would look gorgeous, miss."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at Kakashi. "See?"

He just shrugged again. "I'm not good at this, Sakura. You're the one who wanted me to come," he reminded her, ignoring the salesman for the time being.

A little bit annoyed, she reached into her pocket for her purse and demanded, "How much is it?"

Pleased, the salesman named a price and, after accepting her money, held out his hands. "I'll put it in a nice box for you, Sakura-san."

"Thank you." He walked away, and she couldn't help but pout a bit. Maybe he didn't want to be there with her, but he could at least pretend to enjoy himself a little bit. God knows she'd sucked it up often enough as a child and tried to stay cheerful despite some of the stupid things he'd had their team do.

She took the boxed yukata from the salesman and excused herself politely, but her dark mood carried past the stall and through the rest of the market. Kakashi noticed but didn't say anything, and by the time they were on their way back out again, she was tired and ready to go home alone. She had promised to make dinner, however, and because he'd kept to his word and attended the market for as long as she wanted, she would at least do that.

They exited the way they went in, and she couldn't help but notice, as she passed, that the hairpiece she'd liked was gone.

"Oh..." Disappointed, Sakura reached toward the table, curled her fingers, and dropped them back to her side.

"Hm?" Kakashi looked over, glanced toward the table. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking... well, now I'd have something to wear the clip with. But someone else bought it."

He didn't seem as concerned as she was. "There are other red clips.."

Giving him a dark look, she muttered, "Never mind."

Quickening her pace, she hugged her purchase to her chest and mentally cursed him as she walked.

Behind her, she wouldn't have seen him close his left hand around a delicate hairpiece in his pocket even if she had been looking.


	8. Part Eight

_Spin_

Chapter Eight

Sakura made him wash the dishes, partly because it was only fair after she had cooked the entire meal, but mostly because she was still irritated with him for that afternoon. As dinner had progressed, she'd warmed to him by degrees, even if she hadn't wanted to.

It was just almost impossible to be mad at someone who didn't understand why you were upset in the first place. And Kakashi wasn't a man to offer a blanket apology, so she couldn't be angry about that, either.

Coming up behind him, Sakura peeked around his shoulder, watched him scrub out one of their tea cups. She tucked her hair behind one ear, rested her cheek against his arm. "I should get going."

She didn't really want to, though. Going back to her house meant being lonely and bored, waiting for it to become justifiably late enough for her to go to sleep. There were a thousand things she could be doing, but none of the tasks of daily life quite compared to spending time with another person. Still, she did have to work the next day, and chances were she'd regret it if she didn't get a good amount of sleep.

Somehow, she figured if she stayed over at Kakashi's again, she would go to sleep late and wake up early again. The man seemed to operate on no sleep at all, and it was too weird for her to sleep in someone else's bed, no matter how well she knew them. When she'd dated in the past, even, she had made it a point to always go home to her own bed.

Her own cardinal rule, and she'd broken it with her former teacher. And they weren't even dating.

He set the cup upside-down on the draining rack and wiped his hands casually on a towel. "Should I walk you home?"

Surprised that he would offer, she straightened, a pleased smile on her face. "That'd be nice."

Without really thinking about it, she rubbed her hand along his hip as she turned, a woman used to showing her affection in small, constant ways. Though the gesture was almost automatic to her, Kakashi watched her for a few long moments after she'd moved on, something soft very nearly coming into his eyes.

When she turned back around, it was gone. She'd put her hair up and donned her jacket, and was gesturing to him with both hands to hurry up. "I have to work tomorrow, you know. I'm pulling a double, so I have to get plenty of sleep."

He followed her to the doorway, and they both slipped on their sandals in silence. Kakashi flicked the light switch down and shut the door behind him, but didn't bother to lock it. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he relaxed his posture and fell into step next to her easily, the only noise along the road the crunching of leaves underneath their feet.

Mirroring his walking pose, Sakura glanced over and up, studied his profile. Because he noticed the scrutiny, he looked down at her as well, and and grinned at him. "I'll bet you're getting pretty bored being on medical leave."

He shrugged, but she thought she was right. "At least I'm not doing paperwork."

Sakura blinked. "I didn't think of that. Well, oh well. Maybe next time."

"Hey.."

She smirked, leaned over and bumped shoulders with him. "But for now, I'm going to deliver a note that gives you leave to take on small missions. I think you're recovered enough to get back out there, but I don't want to see you doing anything reckless with your body."

He nodded, but she caught the spark of amusement in his eye. "Anything else?"

Sakura made a face. "I'm sure you're going to turn right around and sign yourself up for a mission as soon as possible, but I mean it. Be careful. You gave me a real scare that night."

She'd seen death over the years, had too often been on the side trying to fight it off with all her might and ending up helpless in the face of it. As a healer, it was impossible to think that things could be otherwise; for every person she was able to save, there was someone out there that she simply wouldn't be able to help. Especially during a time of such instability, where other countries were trying to invade them while they had no steady leader, the casualties could be numerous.

"I wonder what I've gotten myself into, spending so much time with a medical nin..."

Playfully, she slugged him in the arm, and he chuckled. Tone airy, she replied, "Plenty of men would kill to be in your shoes."

His quiet, thoughtful tone surprised her. "I know."

Blinking, because she'd meant it as a joke, Sakura blushed. She couldn't help but get girlish pleasure out of the admission, and she took her hands out of her pockets, lacing them in front of her and smiling to herself.

"That's a sweet thing to say, but I was only joking. You heard Ino when you visited... she practically has to bribe men to ask me out." Shrugging one shoulder, a quick jerk that didn't quite mask her annoyance, she added, "Not that I _want _her to. But she means well. I think."

They rounded the corner to her street, and Kakashi looked up at the sky. Clouds were swirling in the air, heavy with the promise of rain. "I wasn't."

Confused by his response, not entirely certain which part of what she said he was referring to, she offered a simple hmm instead of speaking.

They reached her porch, and faced one another underneath the pale yellow glow of the light she always left on until she got home. Not wanting it to become an awkward moment, Sakura brushed her bangs out of her eyes and smiled politely at him.

"Thanks for walking me home."

He cocked one hip to the side, hands still in his pockets. "Hm. It was no trouble."

Resting her hand on the doorknob, Sakura hesitated. "Well... good night, then."

"Good night."

They stayed in silence for another few seconds, and then she braced one hand on his shoulder, rose quickly to peck him on the cheek. Face heating, she murmured, "See you later." and quickly retreated inside her house.

He stood on her porch for some time, waited until she turned off the light above his head, and the ones inside her house winked off one by one. His walk back to his own house took at least twice as long as it had with her, and much of the time, he was watching his feet, his face a careful study of concentration.

He touched his cheek with two fingers, and then rubbed his chest just over his heart.

When he laid down in his bed, he could smell her there, and he couldn't decide exactly how he felt about it.

---

A very short chapter this time, but I did just post two up in short succession, so I think that somehow makes up for it. Well, even if it doesn't, this felt like the right place to cut it off for now.

Sometimes, as I'm writing about him, I want to punch Kakashi in the head. But maybe that's because, personality-wise, I'm actually quite a lot like Sakura. Well, either way, it's time to work on chapter nine. (I never know what I'm going to write about until I actually start the document, so bear with me.)


	9. Part Nine

_Spin_

Chapter Nine

At her check-up, Ino was as loud and bossy as ever, but Sakura found she could bear it easily as long as she only listened to her friend with half an ear. Shikamaru was returning late from a mission, so it was just the two of them, and Sakura was actually in a pretty good mood for a woman who had watched a very attractive man disappear behind her closed door and then proceeded to sleep alone.

Running her finger down Ino's medical chart, she scribbled in a few notes and let her mind wander a bit. Kakashi was probably going to go on a mission, but he wouldn't be gone for long, because she hadn't given him full clearance yet. The last thing she wanted was to seem needy when she'd made such a bold speech to him about the terms of their relationship, but she was craving affection, and the physical aspect of their relationship was still so new.

Blushing a little, she bit her lower lip and tried to will the images of that night out of her head. She was on the clock, and she was pretty sure that her job description didn't include time to daydream about that sort of thing when she was with a patient.

"Okay, you know what? You're just going to have to tell me who it is and where you met him, because I'm tired of pretending I don't notice."

Startled out of her thoughts, Sakura stared blankly at Ino, and then laughed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ino just rolled her eyes. "Do I look like I was born yesterday? You've got that look that you get when you're seeing somebody. And you're daydreaming, which means you've slept with him, which also means you've known him a while because you, my friend, are not an adventurous soul."

Sneering, Sakura demanded, "What's wrong with being pickier than a cat in heat?"

"I am going to ignore that comment for the sake of our friendship and the fact that I'm a happily married woman. Come on, it's all over your face. You have _never _been good at hiding your squishy feelings. So spill."

Tucking the pen under the clip above her chart, Sakura replied loftily, "I'm not seeing anyone."

"Liar!"

"But," she continued, talking smoothly over Ino's protest, "I have a break coming, so I may as well tell you that I _did _sleep with someone recently. But I'm only telling you that because you're nosier than hell and you'd find out anyway, somehow, through evil, mysterious means."

Looking near to shocked, Ino asked, "Wait, what? When did you start sleeping with people who weren't your boyfriend? You're miss prude. The thought of a one-night stand almost makes you swoon into a dead faint."

Dropping into a chair next to her, Sakura grumbled, "I am not that much of a prude."

"Okay, so how long were you dating Kiba before you slept with him?"

Sakura winced. "That's not fair, he was my first, you know I was scared to death."

"I think it was what, almost a _year_?"

Defeated, Sakura rubbed the back of her neck. "Well, fine. Let's just say that the circumstances are different now. Neither of us is looking for a relationship so..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Holding both of her hands up, Ino eyed her friend shrewdly. "Did you fall down and hit your head, suddenly get a personality transplant? Since when do you have random, meaningless sex just because it feels good?"

Sharply, Sakura snapped, "It's not meaningless. We just aren't dating, that's all."

Ino relaxed, smiled a little. "That's better. Okay, so who's the guy? Is he someone I know? Oh, God, tell me you haven't hooked up with Kiba again. I know he's randy as a dog, and come to think of it, he's had an annoying bounce in his step lately."

Having not even seen Kiba since she healed him after his most recent mission, Sakura couldn't help the bewildered expression. "No, it's not Kiba. Don't you think you would've heard by now? He's not exactly a quiet man."

"Aah, so he's quiet." Ino lapsed into a brief silence, and then asked cautiously, "Sakura, are you having wild monkey sex with Shino?"

"What? No!" Covering the lower half of her face with her hands, unable to look anything but horrified, she demanded, "Why would you even ask that? I don't even talk to him. He's... really not my type."

Ino pursed her lips, but before she could ask another person, Sakura said quickly, "And I'm not going to tell you anyway. It's between us and we'd rather keep it quiet."

"That's just not going to work. Girl code," Ino reminded her, shaking a finger at her pink-haired friend. "I dished to you when Shikamaru and I first had sex even though it scared me witless."

Sakura wrung her hands, avoiding Ino's eyes and trying to come up with an answer that would satisfy her friend without giving anything away. If she was honest with herself, she wanted someone to talk to about the situation and have it reaffirmed that she was handling things the right way. As it stood, she had no idea if her feet were planted on steady ground or if she'd take a step and slide right into quicksand with Kakashi. Everything with him was different than any other man. If she wasn't careful, their precarious relationship could come crashing down over her head with no chance for repair.

It would also be nice to discuss some of the looks that he gave her, or the things he said. She couldn't make heads or tails of his comments half the time, and never knew which meaning to take from them when she did halfway figure them out. It wasn't as though she could ask the source directly, because he was infuriatingly vague on everything, and so commitment-phobic that it made her want to pull her hair out at the roots.

Not that she wanted him to commit to her.

Well, sort of. It would really piss her off if she found out he was sleeping with someone else.

But she definitely didn't want to be his girlfriend. Did she?

Leaning over, Ino laid a hand on Sakura's knee, rubbed it. "Honey, you're looking mighty serious all of a sudden."

Smiling a little, though it wasn't a happy one, Sakura looked down at Ino's hand on her knee, and sighed. "Well... I can't tell you who it is, actually. Because he's not the type to have a relationship, so... I kind of had to manipulate him into even agreeing to keep seeing me."

"What?" Fury filled every inch of Ino's face, her loyalty to her friend drowning out any reservations she might have had about the very idea that Sakura was in that kind of relationship at all. "What is he, an idiot? Are you sleeping with idiots now, Sakura? Well, there was Kiba-"

"No, it's... well, I understand why. And I kind of agree with him. What's wrong with just having a lover, just enjoying someone? We both like and respect each other. We're friends. So we'll walk away from this as friends."

Breathing heavily out of irritation, Ino glared at her. "You've barely started seeing each other and already you're talking about walking away? What's even the point?"

A bit incredulous, Sakura rested her hands on her thighs. "This coming from the girl who dated half of Konoha."

"But that's _me_. We're built differently. I didn't know I was the type for a wedding ring, babies, cleaning house and cooking meals, but you, you've _always_ known that. So if I went into a relationship thinking hey, this'll be fun while it lasts, that was normal. But you? Not you, Sakura. You'd stay far, far away from that."

It was true, and that made her duck her head a bit in shame. Was she making a mistake with Kakashi? She knew herself well, and in the end, Ino was right. Sakura wouldn't be able to be happy or satisfied in a relationship that was going nowhere. It might be fun for a while, but she was the type of woman who wanted to settle down and eventually have a family. She already knew that Kakashi didn't want children, wasn't even interested in a wife.

It was essential to her that she have those things someday. Once, she'd pictured Sasuke in her life, had crafted her entire future around him. When that dream crashed and burned, she'd learned not to put her happiness solely in the hands of another person. But she couldn't deny that she cared about Kakashi, that his notice and praise made her happy, that she missed him when he wasn't around. If she wasn't careful, it wouldn't be long at all before her heart got involved, and she'd been the one to say to him that they needed boundaries.

He had been very clear that they could be friends, they could be lovers, but there was no possibility for love between them. And right now, that was no problem. But how long could she share herself with a man she liked and respected and _not _fall for him?

Finally speaking, she played with the edges of her bangs, avoided eye contact with Ino. "Well, I'll worry about that if it becomes a problem. Right now, we're fine."

Ino frowned deeply, but Sakura was spared further interrogation because Shikamaru slouched into the room just then, looking tired and dirty and more than halfway irritated.

Nearly leaping at the means of distracting Ino, Sakura beamed at him and hurried said, "Good thing you're here. We finished up, and I want her to go home and get a good night's sleep. Nothing's wrong," she said quickly, seeing his features jump to life with something close to panic. "I just don't want her overdoing things the farther along she gets."

"Sakura, that's--"

Planting his hands on his hips, Shikamaru spoke loudly over the top of Ino. "You heard her, woman. Since I'm exhausted anyway, we're going straight home and to bed."

Shikamaru grabbed his wife's hands and hauled her to her feet, and Sakura busied herself across the room to give them at least the illusion of privacy. She hadn't missed the tender look he gave her, however.

"Thanks, Sakura." Offering her a tired smile, holding one of Ino's hands loosely in his own, he began to tug her out of the room. "You, with me."

Ino glared at Sakura as she was dragged out of the room, and mouthed a rather unflattering word at her. Sakura just grinned, relieved to have escaped any more heavy conversation about her and Kakashi, even if names hadn't exactly been stated.

A quick glance to her watch showed that she was off, and she didn't waste any time heading down the hall toward freedom. Sakura loved her work at the hospital, but there was no denying that she lived for the moments where she got to relax after a long, satisfying day at work. The only down side to the fact that she worked so late was that she had to make dinner, then wash the dishes, and it often felt like too much of an effort to do for herself.

Part of her wanted to veer off the path to her own house and see if Kakashi was home, if only for the company, but her conversation with Ino paired with her own troubled thoughts kept her from doing so. She would just make something quick and then crash for the night.

When she finally got to her house, she slowed her rapid pace and looked on in confusion. Though she'd left the porch light on, she distinctly remembered shutting off all the other lights, but at least the kitchen was brightly illuminated. She wasn't worried about an intruder; if someone was going to break in, they would have the common sense to stay in the dark, and it wasn't as though she had anything of particular value that a thief would be concerned with. The only explanation she could think of was one of her friends had stopped by, or someone who was looking for medical aid was waiting for her.

Hurrying inside, slipping her shoes off at the door, she called, "Hello?"

"In here."

More than shocked to hear Kakashi's voice respond, Sakura walked dumbly into the kitchen, could do little more than stare at the modest dinner that had been set out on her table. Kakashi was just finishing with the place settings, looking so at home in her kitchen that she couldn't help but smile foolishly at him.

"You made me dinner?"

Glancing over, having foregone his mask since it would be just the two of them, he smiled a little self-consciously. "I figured it was my turn."

Instead of replying, Sakura walked swiftly toward him, grabbed his face between her hands and pulled him down for a quick, hard kiss. When she pulled back she laughed, spread her hands over the table, and exclaimed, "That's great! I was just thinking about how much I didn't want to cook tonight."

Gently, he slid his fingers along her hips and turned her around, bringing her back for a slower, longer kiss. Her heart turned over, warmed at the softness of the gesture, and she wound her arms around him, drawing him close so that she could rest her head against his chest and breathe in the smell of him.

Her doubts from before vanished, and she closed her eyes for just a moment, imagined there was nothing complicated about them standing together in her kitchen in a warm embrace. When he lifted a hand, softly stroked it down her back, she sighed happily.

"It's nice to see you too," Sakura murmured, pressing her lips to his chest briefly. Then, drawing back, she looked up and smiled. "But I'm starved. Let's eat."

Raising one finger, she traced his jawline, and her voice lowered to nearly a purr. "After that..."

Rising, she brushed her lips across his ear, whispered something that had him laughing softly and releasing her with great reluctance.

---

I'm pretty sure that all I did today, aside from eating and mandatory bodily functions, was write. This pairing has captivated me.


	10. Part Ten

_Spin_

Chapter Ten

It was a little embarrassing that the girls at work noticed she was in a much better mood, and Sakura had to evade all sorts of personal questions all day and night long. It seemed the world was conspiring against her; every time she tried to stop thinking about Kakashi, and the time they'd spent together, someone would come along and ask her about her "mystery man" and get her started all over again.

Ino's mouth was legendary. She should've known that, one way or the other, her friend was going to find out.

Ducking around a corner, hoping to find some peace for at least a few minutes before she went home, Sakura pulled a candy bar out of her pocket and began to eat it on the sly. She was technically off work, but it would still look bad if someone caught her shoving candy in her mouth as she walked down the halls. The candy bar also didn't help her personal goal of losing weight from her thighs, an area of her body that she had _never _been happy with.

And she really didn't care that her thighs were muscular and mostly appropriate to her body shape and size. She thought they were gross.

Passing by the front desk, she offered a small wave to the girl working there, a young kunoichi still in training to be a medic nin that she'd grown fond of. "Good night, Mina-chan."

"Oh, Sakura-san!" Looking excited, Mina glanced from side to side and crooked her finger, beckoning the older woman forward. "I have a message for you."

Mina was always so pleased to be given specific tasks that she really overdid it when it came to delivering them. Still, Sakura smiled politely despite how tired she felt, and walked over to be presented with her note with great flourish.

"I didn't read it, I thought that would be inappropriate." But clearly, this had been the highlight of her night. "Maybe it was your boyfriend? He was really good looking," she added, pressing one hand to her cheek and looking into the distance dreamily.

Sakura's pulse scrambled, but she shook her head. "That's impossible, Mina-chan. I don't have a boyfriend."

Still, she took the small note, quickly unfolded it and read the lines like an eager schoolgirl. Instantly she realized the handwriting was all wrong, and she couldn't help the disappointment that crashed over her.

It was just a note from Kiba, telling her to stay put until he got back, because he was grabbing take-out and he wanted to catch up. Normally she would've been pleased, but because she'd let herself think, even for a second...

Well, no. That morning he'd been gone when she woke up once again, but this time, there was no reason like groceries. He hadn't left a note, hadn't been back, and she'd accepted that she would just have to get used to that. She just wished he could make up his mind, sometimes; one day, he was impulsively making her dinner, the next, he was gone before the sheets went cold. But that was the kind of man she'd chosen to spend her time with, so she would be grown up and adapt to it.

Tucking the note inside her pocket, Sakura tried for a smile. "Thanks, Mina-chan. It's a note from an old friend, that's all. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Oh, okay.." After Sakura had turned to leave, Mina leaned over the counter, watching her with concern. She'd thought Sakura seemed happier lately, but that had been a sad look.

Stepping outside, Sakura rubbed her hands together briskly and looked around to see if Kiba was waiting. Sure enough, he was coming up the path with two boxes of steaming take-out, and he grinned at her, holding them up.

"Hey, Sakura! I got those gross noodles you like."

Accepting the package, she popped it open, sniffed. And then she grinned. "They aren't gross. And thanks. It's good to see you, Kiba."

Already digging into his own, Kiba talked around a mouthful of steamed vegetables. "Yeah, we've both been pretty busy... missions left and right, especially since so many of our shinobi are down."

Sakura felt a little guilty, mostly because she'd confined one of their most active and skilled shinobi to low-class missions, but she didn't voice that. Instead, she swirled some noodles around her chopsticks, blew on them to cool them down a bit. "Well, don't get it in your head to do anything reckless. I'm pretty busy myself, and the last thing I want to do is come in for extra hours to take care of you."

He grinned at her, showing just a hint of fang. "I'll try. But it's been a while since you had your hands all over me, Sakura." He drew out her name, making it almost musical, and she punched him in the arm.

"You're shameless. When are you going to ask Hinata-san out, anyway? Everyone knows you like her."

Kiba shook his head, raised his chopsticks with a piece of broccoli clamped between them. "A woman like Hinata requires delicate timing."

Narrowing her eyes dangerously, she asked, "And I didn't?"

All innocence, a look he had perfected over the years, Kiba exclaimed, "That's not what I meant!"

Sakura smiled, pointed at him with her chopsticks. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood."

Seeing his opening, Kiba pounced. "Why are you in such a good mood, anyway? Finally getting some?"

A moment passed in silence, and then Sakura stomped down on his right foot, hard. He screamed, partially from the unexpected nature of the attack, and danced away from her. "That was mean! Ow! I was just asking!"

Offering him a glare full of promise of dark, unpleasant things, she asked sweetly, "Why _do _you ask?"

Nervously, Kiba laughed, scratching the side of his nose with one finger. "Well, that's..."

Sakura stepped forward, he stepped back. "Well?"

Holding up his hands defensively, he rushed, "Okay, okay. See, I was hanging out with Shikamaru and --"

She'd heard quite enough. Face heating with temper, she snarled, "_Ino_. If she wasn't pregnant, I would beat her senseless."

Since the bulk of her ire seemed to be directed away from him now, Kiba inched forward hesitantly, rubbed her shoulder in a comforting, companionable motion. "Hey, hey. She's just worried about you. And I've gotta admit, I'm a little concerned too."

Mutiny in her eyes, Sakura jerked her shoulder out from under his hand, considered dumping her hot noodles all over him. Instead, she scooped more out, filled her mouth with them before she spewed profanities at Kiba and ruined a surprisingly solid friendship.

Used to her temper fits, as he'd provoked many of them while they were dating, Kiba reached out and caught her chin between two fingers, arched an eyebrow down into her wrathful face. "We're your friends, Sakura. That's what friends do. How're we supposed to check this guy out and see whether or not he's a jerk if you don't even tell us who he is?"

Pulling her face back, Sakura swallowed, burning her throat. "Why does everyone think that I'm incapable of figuring out for myself if someone is good for me or not? I don't know if you remember, Kiba, but I was perfectly adept at making those kinds of decisions before and after we dated."

"Hey, it's not that we think you can't handle it yourself." Making a face, wondering exactly _why _he'd allowed himself to be roped into this again, he continued, "It's just we know you, and-"

"Apparently not very well." Lips turning downward into a sulk, she demanded, "So while you were all having this pow-wow about my personal life, did any of you stop to think that maybe _I _want to keep it a secret, too? Maybe I don't want all my well-meaning but completely out of line friends to just back off for once?"

A little bit hurt, and covering it with a gruff tone, Kiba shot back, "It's hard to back off when you won't let us close enough to begin with!"

"That's not fair." Wondering when what should have been a simple and pleasant walk had turned to something heavier, Sakura tossed the remains of her noodles into a trash can, massaged her temples. "I'm really glad that you care. Please don't think I'm ungrateful. It's just..."

Doing the same with his carton, though it was empty, Kiba forced his temper back into submission and slung an arm around her shoulders. "Just what?"

Leaning into the embrace, allowing herself to be comforted by a pair of friendly arms, she sighed. "I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I can't give answers that I don't know, and in some cases, the questions haven't even been asked. He makes me happy, Kiba, so isn't that enough? Right now, I'm happy."

Rubbing his hand up and down her arm, Kiba muttered, "You don't sound too happy to me."

Turning her face into his jounin vest, she chuckled, but it was strained. "It's tough to be happy when everyone keeps telling me all the reasons I shouldn't be."

Somehow, they'd arrived at her house, and Sakura reluctantly turned away from the comfort of the hug. She took a deep breath, wiped her hands down the front of her pants, and smiled. "Thanks, Kiba."

Reaching out, he tweaked her nose, snickered. "Just be careful. As your first serious boyfriend, it's my solemn duty to beat the snot out of any guy who treats you badly."

She swatted at his hand, let herself into the house while he walked away with his hands in his pockets. Watching him go, Sakura was amused at how easily they fell into old habits, and Kiba turned around at the end of the road, waved one last time before he would be out of sight. She lifted her hand, oddly peaceful after the simple gesture, and then went the rest of the way into her house.

The lights went on one by one, and as she went through the rooms, she began to tidy. Kakashi was probably on a mission, and goodness only knew how long he would be gone. One day? A few days, a week? It didn't really matter. He would come by when he wanted to, or she would stop by his house if the time stretched out enough. They hadn't made any promises to each other, and it wasn't as though she was exactly the person he came back to the village to see.

Walking over to a window, she opened it and propped her elbows up on the frame, looking out over her tiny yard. There was an herb garden that she tended each day, but aside from that, she'd done little with the place. Ino was constantly harassing her to plant some flowers and liven it up, but she was hardly home enough to justify that. And maybe that was one of her problems.

She'd become so focused on her work that she'd carved away any semblance of a personal, or home, life. She used her job as an excuse as to why she didn't have a steady, committed relationship, but it had been her choice to fill her time with extra shifts and voluntary clinic hours. Maybe she'd just been hiding from the reality that she didn't _want _to be in a relationship. She didn't want to give of herself again, like she had before, and find that something in her came up short.

Every relationship she'd tried, in the end, she realized she wasn't feeling what she should and so she backed away from it. At first she'd blamed it on herself and lingering feelings she might have for Sasuke, try as she might to get rid of any regard she had for her former teammate. She knew now that it was impossible, because she had _loved _him, and when you felt so strongly about someone, nothing could ever completely erase it. Not time, not betrayal, and certainly not will power.

But she couldn't keep holding the memories of Sasuke responsible. Maybe the problem was with her. Though she gave as much of herself as she could, and really tried to love the people she dated, something always held back. Was she incapable of a second love? Had Sasuke really been her only chance to feel that intensely, to give her entire heart and mind to someone? She didn't like to think so, but more and more, she thought that it could be the case.

And God, she didn't _want _Sasuke to be her only chance at love.

Stretching her arms out, she held her fingertips up and was surprised to feel the beginning of rain splatter down on top of them. It seemed even the weather was complying with her stormy and confused mood.

Withdrawing her arms, she closed the window and wiped her palms dry on her pants. There was really no point in thinking about it. As a child, she'd always thought love was something that came naturally, and there was a soul mate out there for everyone if only they were willing to look for and accept that person, virtues and faults, and love them in spite of themselves. For some people, that seemed to be true, but maybe she just wasn't one of them.

God knew Sasuke hadn't been meant for her. She'd thought so, and she'd loved him with everything she had, but in the end, love couldn't survive one-sided. And so she'd learned to let him go, and with him, most of her childish dreams.

Brushing her hand along the light switch, casting the room behind her into darkness, she decided not to think about the state of her life anymore that night. Since she was going to bed alone, there would be no one to distract her from getting too deep in those thoughts, so it was better to stop while she still could.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she headed to her bedroom, and wished that it was as easy to _do _as it was to know that she should.

---

Thank you to everyone who is faithfully reading as I update the chapters. It really encourages me to write more (not that I have much else to do while I wait to be able to fly back to school, but...) and it has me thinking about this pairing all the time. For those who have commented that Kakashi seems to care a lot more than he's willing to admit, and that's he perhaps being hypocritical - the answer is yes. The poor man doesn't know to deal with real emotions, and so he hides away the tender parts of himself, but he's cared about Sakura a lot longer than even he realizes. Now to get her to notice that... that's the hard part. ;)


	11. Part Eleven

_Spin_

Chapter Eleven

Sunlight warmed her bare shoulders as Sakura knelt in her garden, hands sure and steady while she weeded unnecessary buds from among her herbs. She'd been at it for nearly an hour, and the water bottle filled with lemonade that she'd brought out with her was nearly empty. The air was cold enough that, had the sun not been shining, Sakura would have been forced to wear a jacket, but it seemed Konoha was trying its hardest to give them a few more sunny days before winter really set in.

Rolling back on the balls of her feet, she propped her hands up on her knees and surveyed the little patch of land. There wasn't much else she could do with it, and even though she would have liked to just stretch out in the grass and enjoy her day off, there were many other things she needed to be doing.

Ino's due date was rapidly approaching, and she still somehow hadn't found the time to go out and get a last-minute present for the babies. Because the couple didn't want to know their genders, the baby shower had been filled with presents in yellows and greens, and Ino had confided she was sick of the colors already. Sakura, though delivery wasn't her specialty by any means, had studied extensively and assisted one of the regular birthing medics ever since learning of Ino's pregnancy, so now she was very well prepared to run the entire process by herself. Naturally, that also meant she performed most, if not all, of the tests on Ino's babies, and knew what their sexes were already.

She'd been sworn to secrecy, but Sakura couldn't wait to see the look on Shikamaru's face when he realized he would have two baby boys. It probably didn't fit into that crazy plan of his that Ino had confided in her once, but Sakura had a feeling Shikamaru would be over the moon if his kids came out purple. Even the thought of it made her smile.

Rising, she tried to stretch the kinks out of her muscles, and enjoyed the slight breeze that lifted her hair off the back of her neck.

"You look relaxed."

Heart seizing, Sakura turned slowly, made certain her expression was calm and pleasant when she faced Kakashi. He was leaning against the side of her house, arms crossed, still dressed in his full jounin gear. She wondered if that meant he'd just gotten back, or if he was now back in the habit of dressing for a mission all the time.

Probably the latter. That was just the kind of person he was.

Smiling, she approached him, but instead of making a beeline directly for him, she instead walked up to her back door and opened it. He raised an eyebrow at her, but she simply said, "I am. It's good to see you back in one piece. Do you want to come in?"

He followed her, and she opened the windows as she went along. "How was your mission?"

"Standard fare," He replied, slipping his sandals off and setting them neatly next to her slippers. "Those exercises you showed me worked well."

Twisting her hair up, she grabbed a clip from her coffee table and anchored it in place, eyed him skeptically. "Here for a check-up, then, so that I can release you for full active duty?"

He seemed a bit taken aback, and his visible eye lost a bit of its warmth. He shrugged, angled his body slightly away from her. "I would've gone by the hospital first if that were the case."

Sakura felt a little bad, because she hadn't meant it that way, but it sounded like she was accusing him of only visiting her for selfish means. Instantly contrite, she walked over to him, noticed his stiff stance. With sudden insight, she realized that he had come for the sole purpose of seeing her, and she'd just made it awkward - and possibly made him regret that. Warmed by the thought that he could have missed her while he was gone, even though it had only been a few days, she wrapped her arms around him, ignored his rigid posture.

He relaxed into the embrace, not that she gave him much choice. Pressing her cheek against the zipper of his vest, which wasn't the most comfortable position but it afforded her the most closeness, she apologized. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm really happy that you stopped by."

Hesitantly, he brought his arms up, wrapped them loosely around her waist. He surprised her again by resting his chin on top of her head, and she wondered at this change.

Used to being the one who reached for him, she couldn't help but hold him tighter, secretly reveling in the shift in their positions. Then, just when she'd been about to say something foolish, he slowly lowered his arms, stepped back. And just like that, the spell was broken.

Forcing her heart to hide its disappointment, Sakura beamed at him, her smile perhaps over-bright. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. "I was just thinking about what I should do now, since I finished in my garden. Do you have plans?"

"Mm, no." Because she'd rearranged her house while cleaning, he noticed some pictures up that he hadn't seen before. Casually, he lifted one, seemed to find great interest in it.

"Oh, then do you want to hang out together?" As soon as she said it, she regretted the juvenile choice of words, made a face as she scooped up the stacks of papers she'd been perusing earlier that day. "I don't have anything exciting planned, but maybe it's better for you to just relax after your mission."

He murmured another response, and she thought it was odd that he was so brief. When she glanced over, however, she saw him replacing a picture, and she got curious. "Which one is that?"

Obliging, he lifted it up, turned it to face her. It was from a summer's day nearly six years back, and she and Kiba were posed in their bathing suits, laughing at something she couldn't even remember now, caught up in each other's arms. Her expression softened from the memory and she reached for it, smiling indulgently at the pair of them.

Her hair had been almost as short as his during that phase. It had been cute, but she liked the longer hair that she currently wore. In the corner of the picture she could see Naruto, sneaking up on them with his hands behind his back, and she suddenly laughed.

Kakashi eyed her curiously, and she turned the picture to him, pointing. "See Naruto? He snuck up on us and threw two huge water balloons on our heads. I was so mad. I think Ino has the picture of him with his butt sticking out of the sand and Kiba nearly wetting himself laughing."

Almost reverently, she replaced the picture, and picked up the one next to it. It was a few months later, and her hair swung around her chin in choppy layers. Next to her, Ino was posing like a glamour queen, her hair done up on top of her head and piling down over her shoulders in a cascade of curls. It had been right before one of their girl's nights out, and they -- or rather, Ino -- had forced Shikamaru to take a nice picture.

He'd bitched about it, and she realized now it was because Ino was going out with some guy whose face she couldn't recall, and he cared for her even then. Angling this picture toward him as well, she explained, "Ino and I, getting ready for a double date. I was taking Kiba and she'd roped some guy neither of us knew into going to the karaoke bar with us."

Pointing to one of the pictures mounted on her wall, she said cheerfully, "And that's me, you, and Naruto on my twenty-first birthday. You weren't happy about the picture, remember?"

Kakashi came up to stand next to her, scratching the side of his face as he eyed the photograph. "I remember the only reason I'm pictured is because I was afraid you'd hit me if I moved.."

Sakura raised her fist threateningly, but he only chuckled. "I wanted some pictures of us. I only have this one, and the old team picture."

Thoughtfully, she turned away from the wall, reached up to play with the zipper of his vest. His eye followed the motion, and she saw his mask move in evidence of a small smile. "You know, Kakashi, I just remembered, I need to pick something up in town. Do you want to come with me?"

Warily, he lifted his gaze to her face, took in its innocent expression. "Will this be anything like the trip to the market?"

Casually, she unzipped his vest. "No, I just need to buy a homecoming present."

He was silent for a moment, intrigued when she pushed his vest off over his shoulders and tugged it down his arms. "Who's coming home?"

"Ino's babies." Tossing his vest carelessly on the floor, she ran her hands up his chest, amused when he glanced toward the discarded article of clothing. "She's probably going to have them within the week."

"Ah." When her hands moved to tug his shirt out of the waistband of his pants, he carefully touched the tips of his fingers to her lower back, played with the edge of her shirt. "I see. And you want me to... help you pick out... clothes?"

When she'd rid him of his shirt, Sakura placed one hand in the center of his chest, gave him a gentle shove. He began to walk backwards with her guiding him, and she played her fingers over the scars on his chest. "Mm, sure. Something cute, but not too cute. It's a secret, but she's having boys."

Reaching around him, Sakura opened the door to her room, continued to nudge him in. When they got to her bed, she pushed him down on it, smiled charmingly at him, and then walked over to the window to draw the blinds.

"Is it really appropriate to be talking about children right now?" Kakashi asked, his voice faintly teasing.

Pausing in front of him, her arms criss-crossed over her front as she gripped the hem of her shirt, Sakura slowly raised an eyebrow. "Something else you want to discuss?"

He thought about it for a split second, shook his head as he took off his gloves, tossed them to his right. Sakura smirked and carelessly dropped her top onto the floor, walked toward him with slow purpose. She crawled onto his lap, drawing her fingers slowly up his chest, and then lifted his mask up and over his head.

"Good. I don't really feel like talking." Lazily, she leaned forward, ran her lips over his as she shifted into a comfortable position.

Adjusting his own seat, he gripped the back of her neck loosely, ran his other hand up her smooth, bare stomach.

When she broke the kiss, he shifted his attentions to her jawline, nibbling his way up to her ear. "How do you always manage to get on top?"

Sakura laughed, drew back, and shoved him down on the bed. With her hair falling over her shoulders, she brought one finger down, pressed it to his lips. "Just relax, remember?"

He welcomed her into his arms, and at least in this, they were on equal ground.


	12. Part Twelve

_Spin _

Chapter Twelve

Sakura walked out of the Hokage tower feeling puzzled and not a little bit irritated. She'd just been by to drop off the orders to allow Kakashi back on a full range of missions, which should've been a task that only took a few minutes, but she'd been pulled aside by one of the senior members of the council. Apparently, he felt that her considerable skills were being wasted on the hospital, and she would shortly be forcibly reassigned to active duty while Konoha fought off the onslaught of other villages. It had been a long and fierce argument, but she could continue at the hospital only until she delivered Ino's babies, and then she was expected to sign up for the next available mission needing a medical nin.

It wasn't that she didn't want to help her village. Sakura took great pride in Konoha and wanted to protect it, and all the people in it, with everything she had. And while she agreed with her former master's idea that there should be a medical nin on most dangerous missions, she didn't think that putting her out on the field would be exactly advantageous.

Given how many wounded nin she saw each day, she wondered how the hospital would handle it having her back out and on the field. Not that she thought so much of herself, really, but they were already understaffed, and it was no secret that she was one of the most skilled healers they had.

Cradling her head in her hand as she walked, she worried over the situation, and because she wasn't paying attention, she nearly slammed right into Naruto.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Reaching out to redirect her, he blinked at her expression, then closed his other hand over her shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong? You don't look so good."

"What?" Dragging herself from her thoughts, she stared at Naruto for a few long seconds before shaking her head. "Oh, hi. I didn't know you were back."

"Only just." Concern evident on his face, he asked, "Sakura-chan? What's up?"

Shaking her head, she patted his hand absently and smiled. "Hm? Nothing. I was just thinking."

He'd heard rumors, because it was hard not to when Ino was spreading them, and wondered if it maybe had something to do with this mystery guy she was seeing. If so, Naruto would rearrange his face. "Wanna get some ramen and talk about it?"

Sakura couldn't help it; she laughed, and the air of preoccupation left her. "It's nothing so big. The council's reassigned me to active field duty, so I won't be at the hospital anymore for... I don't know how long."

"What? That's crazy!" As if he could look over and see them peeking out their windows at the display, Naruto shot an incredulous look toward the tower. "Everybody knows you're the best, so we should have you on staff. And that's where you wanna be anyway. Not that you aren't great on the field, and hey, maybe we could even go on missions together again."

Because his face brightened, she smiled in return. What he said was true; Naruto had been taking on some of the most dangerous missions as of late, and if ever there were instances where healers were needed, it was the ones he kept signing up for. It would be nice to get out there again, but she still didn't know exactly how she felt about it.

Winding her arm with his, forgetting that he'd been going in the other direction, she started to walk toward Ichiraku. "Maybe. I guess it'll be nice to do some missions again, but I'm a little worried about leaving the hospital."

Though he towered over her, Naruto still managed to look boyish when he grinned. "You can't run it by yourself, you know, even if you want to."

She shot him a dirty look, but blushed a little because he wasn't so far from the mark. "I don't want to run the hospital by myself. We're just already short on help, and I don't think taking someone who works as many hours as me off the rotation is a good idea. But who am I to argue with the council?"

Confidently, Naruto patted her hand, looked up at the sky. "Don't worry, Sakura-chan. Soon I'll be Hokage, and you won't have to deal with that bunch of stuck-up old windbags."

"I know." She joined him in looking up, sighed at the sight of the storm clouds. "Good thing the festival is soon. We're going to have snow pretty soon, I think."

Naruto glanced over, and she missed the expression that flitted through his eyes. "Hey, why don't we go to the festival together? It can be a date."

When Sakura looked at him, exasperated, there was nothing but good humor in his face. "I'm going to the festival, and maybe I'll see you there."

He reached up, patted his heart with his free hand. Because it was easier, he made it into a joke. "Breaking my heart, Sakura-chan. Okay, cool. I'll win you something cool."

They had reached the break in the road where one direction took him to Ichiraku, and the other would lead to her house. She removed her arm, smiled at him. "I'll see you later, okay? I have some things I need to do at home."

She waved to him and headed out, and he watched her for a little bit before turning to go to Ichiraku. Some things would really never change, he decided.

Sakura turned the corner and waited until she was sure she was out of Naruto's line of sight, then quickly backtracked and started toward Kakashi's house. She felt a little bad for lying to him, but the circumstances as they were, she couldn't really tell him that she was heading to see Kakashi, could she? He would want to know why, and if she couldn't even tell Ino, she really couldn't tell Naruto.

Sneaking around made her feel almost like what she was doing was wrong, but she knew that it was for both of their sakes that they were handling their relationship that way. It wasn't as though she was ashamed at the thought of people knowing she cared about Kakashi as more than just a friend, though how much she wasn't ready to really think about. It was just that no one else would understand _why _they were holding so much back from each other.

Sometimes, she had to wonder too, but then she remembered that it was to protect them both. As long as her heart wasn't fully involved, it wouldn't hurt so bad when, or if, things when wrong. As for Kakashi... he had a hard time being close to anyone as even a friend. So she knew this was relatively new ground for him, too. Sure, she imagined he'd slept with plenty of people, but she liked to think that, given their history, it was different with her.

Stopping on his porch, past the stage where she needed to knock, Sakura let herself in and greeted, "Hello?"

Leaning around the corner, Kakashi lifted a hand. "In the kitchen."

Padding in, Sakura sniffed the air and recognized one of her favorite dishes. "I didn't think you cooked except under extreme duress."

Eying her, he stuck two fingers in his mouth and looked a little petulant. "I don't like to."

"Did you burn yourself?" She asked, thinking the image was adorable, but not wanting to wound his manly ego. He hesitated a moment, then nodded, displaying the fingers. They had angry red streaks across them, but otherwise, looked fine.

Solemnly, Sakura pressed a kiss to each one, and then patted them. "They should be fine."

While he turned back to the food, Sakura began to get dishes down to set the table, and she spoke steadily over her shoulder about her day. When she got to the part where she met with the council, her tone became a little tense, and he looked up from where he was dishing the food to carefully gauge her expression.

"So, after I deliver Ino's children, I'm back on active duty. Oh, and I've released you to take on your full range of missions again, so you don't need to worry about restrictions next time you sign up for one."

"That's good." He turned over two cups, began to pour tea. "Why aren't you happy about it?"

Sakura seated herself, looked surprised. "About you going back to full duty?"

He looked equally surprised. "That makes you unhappy?"

Sakura laughed. "No. Oh, I guess you meant about the active duty. Well, I have some reservations, but like Naruto said earlier, I guess this means I'll get to go on more missions with him."

"And me," Kakashi added. "I've decided requesting a medic from now on is probably a good idea."

Pleased that he seemed more concerned about taking care of himself, she beamed approval at him. "Good idea! Wow, maybe all three of us will even get sent out together again. It'd be just like old times, almost."

He mulled this over a few moments, and then, without really looking at her, he mused, "I wonder if it's such a good idea for that to happen."

Confused, she asked, "What, us going on missions together?"

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder. "Not to say we couldn't handle it, but things might be awkward."

Pointing her chopsticks at him, she smirked. "Going to be distracted by me?"

Sliding his gaze toward her, his expression equally arrogant, he asked, "Are you going to be distracted by me?"

"Well. That depends." Primly, Sakura raised some food to her mouth, paused just before taking the bite. "As long as you keep your shirt on, I should be fine."

Kakashi remained silent while she chewed and swallowed, mostly because he didn't want her to choke on her food. Then, when she looked expectantly at him, he replied agreeably, "Same goes."

---

I have the next three chapters planned out as well, one of which will really force Kakashi to confront how he feels. I'm looking forward to it. I think I might take a break from writing right now, though, since I've been doing it all day (again...) and I'm starting to get kind of hungry.

Some might look down on Sakura for that, but I think if Kakashi was shirtless in battle, I'd be a little distracted too. ;)


	13. Part Thirteen

_Spin_

Chapter Thirteen

It was just dark enough outside to justify finally turning on all the festival lights, and as Sakura put the finishing touches on her make-up, she paused and watched as they lit up, row by row, directly into the heart of Konoha. It was the last big festival they would have before spring, and it seemed that even the more stoic people were coming out to celebrate one last time before they had to shut their doors and windows against snowfall and bitter winds.

Snapping her compact shut, Sakura surveyed herself in the mirror, fussed with her hair a little bit more. It was put up in the back and held in place with one of her clips, a really nice one that Ino had bought for her a few years back, but after seeing that butterfly comb, she thought it didn't suit the yukata as well.

Deciding not to worry about it, she grabbed the small clutch bag that she'd filled with her identification and money, and shut the lights off as she headed out of the house.

Her sandals slapped the bottoms of her feet as she walked, not at all her usual practical pair, but dressier ones that Ino had bullied her into buying the last time they were out shopping. She knew her feet would ache by the end of the night, but she couldn't deny that they made her legs look elegant.

It was a little depressing that she'd gotten all dressed up to go to the festival by herself, but this really wasn't Kakashi's kind of activity, and that would be far too open for the two of them anyway. Knowing Naruto, he would be there, so she wouldn't be wandering by herself for too long. Even though it wouldn't be the same as actually having a date, she knew she'd have fun with her former teammate, so she was looking forward to the festival all the same.

She shut the door behind her firmly, surprised that she could already hear music floating on the light breeze. The bands were really getting into it this year, she thought.

A slight noise to her right had her glancing over automatically, and a figure stepped out of the trees, slouching slightly. The last person she expected to see on a festival night was Kakashi, but there he was. He wasn't dressed for the night at all, and looked like he might even be getting ready to leave for a mission, and so she eyed him quizzically.

"I thought you weren't going to the festival." She inclined her head, smiled when he glanced toward the festival and shook his head.

"I'm not." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small package wrapped in simple brown paper and tied with twine. Dangling it from between two fingers, he said, "This is yours."

A little confused, she took the package and started picking at the string. "Did I leave something at your house?"

Kakashi smiled, reached out and played with one of the escaped curls from her up-do. "Something like that. Have a good time."

Sakura watched him walk away with something between a scowl and a smile, and then tugged the knot free on top of the package. She dropped the string on the ground without really thinking about it, peeled away the carefully wrapped paper, and gasped.

Nestled in the palm of her hand was the hair comb that she'd admired. She stared at it a moment more, not quite believing that she had it, and then looked quickly over her shoulder to where Kakashi had left.

There was no trace of him.

Her smile growing, Sakura pulled her hair free from the clip that she'd put it up in, tucked that one away inside her handbag. She ran her fingers through the ends of it a few times to smooth it out, then twisted her hair, held it close to her head, and slid the comb in place.

Pulling her compact out of her purse, she opened it, eyed herself critically. Then, beaming, she closed it, tucked it away, and all but floated to the festival.

Sakura wasn't there long before Naruto, Ino, and Shikamaru found her. She'd barely had a chance to enjoy the music, but she didn't really mind when she was in the company of friends. Ino huffed and puffed everywhere she went, but she seemed to really be enjoying herself, and Shikamaru watched her like a hawk to make sure she didn't overdo. Even if she'd wanted to feel lonely, which she didn't, Naruto kept up a steady stream of chatter that distracted her whenever she tried to have a private thought.

Their small group paused next to a shooting game, and Naruto loudly proclaimed that he was going to win the biggest stuffed animal for Sakura.

"I want the puppy," Sakura insisted, grinning up at the huge stuffed dog. It had one dark patch over its eye, and foolishly, she thought of Kakashi when she looked at it.

Placing a hand on each side of her belly, Ino shot her husband a meaningful look. "I want one, too."

"What?" Scowling, he hunched his shoulders over and examined the game. "That's way too troublesome."

Reaching over, Ino grabbed his ear and twisted. "Actually, I want three. One for each of us."

"Ow!" Though he rubbed his hand over his ear, Shikamaru smiled, and his eyes drifted down to his wife's massive stomach. Crouching, he got on eye level with it, and muttered, "You'd better not both be girls."

Then, over Naruto's loud laugh and Sakura's snicker, he slapped some yen down on the counter and received one of the guns. With the air of one who has suffered far longer than he should, he demanded, "Which ones do you want?"

Sakura watched as Shikamaru turned the simple game into an effort involving careful strategy and precise positioning, and couldn't help but be impressed. For a lazy guy, he really went all out when he put effort into something. But then, she'd sort of always known that about him.

Shikamaru quickly managed to get the three top prizes, but Naruto was struggling to get Sakura's dog. Hands on hips, she teased loudly, "Shikamaru's already got three, and you can't even get my dog?"

"Don't be mean, Sakura-chan!" Laughing self-consciously, Naruto propped the gun up on his shoulder and looked embarrassed. "I'll get it this time!"

Then, suddenly intense in the way only men could get, Naruto turned all of his attentions back to the game as if his life depended on it.

Shikamaru and Ino had walked away hand-in-hand once more, leaving the two of them behind while Naruto struggled to win her prize. Sakura allowed her mind to wander with her gaze, looking over all of the others stalls and wondering what kind of games, and prizes, they held. Maybe she could stop by some of the merchant booths and see if there was anything she thought Kakashi would like.

Reaching up, she touched her fingertips to the delicate comb and smiled softly. He had bought her a present, after all, even if he'd been sneaky about it.

Glancing over at Naruto, she saw him still absorbed in the game and gathering quite a crowd, so she slipped away. It was funny; she hadn't wanted to go to the festival alone, but at the first chance she got, she slipped away from her company. Maybe Kakashi's habits were rubbing off on her the more time she spent with him.

She paused, scowling at her reflection in an ornately decorated mirror, and sincerely hoped not.

A commotion further down the street had her looking up, brow creasing. Sometimes people got too excited at these kinds of things and started riots, and she really didn't want to have to help break one up tonight. Not only was it annoying, but she was in her brand new yukata, and if it got torn, she would be sincerely pissed.

Bodies were jostled left and right while a lone figure raced down the street, looking around wildly and, she realized with a jolt, yelling for her. She lifted one arm, waving it back and forth quickly, and the man looked over, locked eyes with her.

"Sakura!" Skidding to a halt in front of her, Kiba grabbed her shoulders, his expression wild with excitement. "Shikamaru and Ino are headed to the hospital! Come on!"

A sudden, bright smile overwhelming her features, Sakura gripped his upper arms, the enthusiasm Kiba was radiating easily transferring to her. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

-

Ino's labor was long and difficult, mostly because she wanted to avoid a Caesarian at all costs. Sakura understood her friend's objections to the procedure, which would not only lend itself to a much longer recovery but could leave behind a scar, but she didn't let that get in the way of her medical opinion.

Nevertheless, after an entire night and several hours of a morning struggling, Ino was nestled peacefully in her hospital bed with a tiny, perfect little baby boy in the crook of each arm. Because they were all sleeping at once and it was a rarity, Sakura quietly ushered everyone out of the hospital room against their protests, assuring them that they could visit later when Ino and her children weren't quite so tired.

Out in the hallway, Kiba and Naruto were taking turns slapping Shikamaru on the back, and he looked so deliriously happy that Sakura didn't have the heart to tease him about getting his plans all out of order. Instead, because she didn't think she would get a spare moment unless she took one, Sakura walked over, touched his elbow briefly.

"Congratulations, papa." She grinned at him, and he stared at her for a long moment in silence. Then, much to her surprise and everyone else's, he grabbed her shoulders and gave her a loud, smacking kiss on the mouth.

Nearly cross-eyed with shock, Sakura sputtered, "W-Well!"

Shikamaru just grinned at her as Naruto punched him in the shoulder, and he said sincerely, "Thank you. We'd name one after you, but... they're both boys."

"Yeah, that's a sure way to condemn your kid to instant social damnation." At Shikamaru and Sakura's instant, identical dark looks, he laughed. "Let's take the new dad out for a drink!"

Naruto cheered. "Yeah, it's on Kiba!"

Already marching the man of the hour out the door, neither Naruto nor Kiba noticed that Sakura stayed behind. The small crowd of friends and family that had come to see Ino and the babies filtered out behind them, leaving Sakura by herself in the hallway, very happy but also quite exhausted. She leaned against the wall with one shoulder, a small smile on her face, and watched them go.

One of the nurses passed by, touched her shoulder gently. "Sakura-san? When you're free, a message came from the council. It was marked urgent, so.."

Sighing, because she had a fairly good idea what that meant, Sakura offered the nurse a wan smile. "Thanks. I'll go see them right away."

News traveled fast in Konoha, and now that she'd helped Ino safely through the delivery, no doubt the council wanted her to sign up for a mission right away. She was a little flattered to be considered such an asset to the village, but at the same time, she felt a little bit like a pawn. Well, that was the way of life she'd chosen, wasn't it? Perhaps she hadn't considered it that way at first, but it was true that the shinobi of a village were expendable.

Rubbing the back of her neck with one hand, Sakura slowly made her way to the Hokage toward, not far from the hospital by any means, but she wasn't exactly thrilled to be going there. It was early enough in the morning that there was very little traffic except for those nin just back from a mission, and the more experienced shinobi hoping to get first dibs on the high paying tasks.

Stopping by the information counter, Sakura leaned over it, propping her elbows up and waiting to be acknowledged. When the person manning the counter turned around, she was a little stunned to see that it was Neji.

Looking just a bit haughty, which was his normal expression if she was any judge of it, he arched a brow at her. "Haruno-san. How can I help you?"

Thinking it odd that he was working the desk, she asked in surprise, "Neji-san, what are you doing here?"

Lips thinning, he tapped the tips of his fingers against the scarred wood of the counter, and then conceded, "When I'm not on missions myself, I help the council regulate matters here."

Sakura considered that a moment, taking into account the Hyuuga clan, and decided that the elders in his clan had likely planted Neji there to make certain that the council didn't get too full of itself and attempt to continue ruling Konoha without selecting a Hokage. She didn't envy him his position one bit, and from the looks of things, Neji was rather irritated about being his family's spy as well.

Despite her speculation, Sakura didn't comment on it. Instead, she asked, "I heard there was an urgent message for me."

"Ah, this." Holding up a scroll between two fingers, Neji allowed his slight distaste to color his expression. "The council overuses the urgent mark."

A little relieved to hear that, Sakura accepted and unraveled the scroll, reading it quickly. As she'd thought, it was summons for her to begin taking on missions again right away, and she frowned a little, performing a quick seal to burn the note.

Neji watched her out of cool eyes, asked, "Will that be everything?"

Forcing herself to smile, she shook her head. "Actually, I need to register myself as available for all high-ranking missions from today forward that request a medical nin."

Whether he approved or not, nonetheless, Neji reached into a drawer for the paperwork and directed her to an empty table.

Hunching over the paper, Sakura sighed and began to fill out the necessary information, feeling a little bit like she was signing her life away with her signature.

---

The next couple of chapters are going to span over a mission, maybe three if I end up drawing it out... so try to read them with a kind eye. I'm not good at fight scenes, but I try to put at least one in every big fic to balance things out.

In response to the reviewer who asked what Sakura wanted out of the relationship... she said she didn't want "anything that he hadn't already given her" when they were discussing it. That was deliberately ambiguous, but at the time, she just meant she wanted him as a friend and lover. What Sakura doesn't know, is that even at that time, he'd given her more than that, and more than he realized. I hope that clears things up for you. (It's sort of not supposed to be crystal clear, though, until later.)


	14. Part Fourteen

_Spin_

Chapter Fourteen

Sakura had barely registered for field duty again before she got a summons for a mission, but she really hadn't expected otherwise. Though normally the type of mission would have been a breeze and not required the use of a medical nin, these days border patrol was almost as dangerous as outright sneaking into another village. Sakura was grateful that she wouldn't be expected to do _that_, but she had been assigned to a week straight on the northern border, and she didn't like the thought of being away from home that long.

As she stuffed her last change of clothing into the backpack she would take with her, she wondered who her team would be. The mission description had been very vague, but those were the times -- the usual shinobi who would be assigned to a particular team could never be counted on to be free for a mission, and as far as she knew, she was the first person selected for the border patrol this week. She had faith that with people like Neji organizing the missions she would be given a successful team, but still, Sakura didn't like entering into a mission with such an air of ambiguity.

Lifting the backpack, she tested it with one hand and decided that it wasn't too heavy. While that carried her normal supplies, she also had a messenger bag that she slung over one shoulder and tended to cross over her chest full of medical supplies. Since her abilities had been requested pertaining to her ability to tend any injuries they might receive while on border duty, she thought it best not to leave anything behind.

It had been a while since she'd been able to dress normally for a mission. The last time she'd actually been out on the field, she had been on a dangerous mission with Naruto and Shikamaru, and had come back to the news that Tsunade was dead. Ever since, Sakura hadn't wanted to stray far from the village, afraid to lose someone and not know until days later as she had.

One of her greatest regrets was that she had missed Tsunade's funeral.

Sighing, she tugged the heavy fabric of her skirt until it fell into place and checked to make sure that she had everything. Once she was satisfied, she turned out the lights and locked the door to her house, shooting one wistful look over the horizon as she did so.

Dusk was settling in, and she hadn't seen Kakashi since the night of the festival. Though that had only been a few days ago, she would've liked to speak to him before she left on the mission. Sakura knew all to well that no matter how strong you were, life was fragile in the end, and if something happened...

Well, she would hate to have never said goodbye. And how would Kakashi feel, having never told her to be safe on her mission? The words might have seemed empty, but she knew better than most how much guilt could plague a person, how it was the words unsaid that ate at the heart until there was nothing left but it ached anyway.

Rubbing her fingers between her breasts, trying to soothe the ache there, Sakura walked down the path alone and glum. The worst part of single life was never having someone to tell you to be careful before you left, or to smile warmly at you when you walked back in the door. Sometimes, she wondered if she would ever find that.

Slowing her walk, she fanned her fingers out over her heart, was startled to realize that she'd unconsciously slid Kakashi into that role. Hadn't she just thought that she wished he'd been able to send her off for her mission? And already she was wondering if he would be home when she was, how soon she would be able to see him again.

Lips trembling, she murmured, "No. That's not a good idea, Sakura."

But she'd never been able to control her wayward heart. Wasn't that what had gotten her in trouble with Sasuke? She should've known better. Sakura had walked into this relationship with the promise that all she wanted from Kakashi was his companionship, and already she had betrayed herself. She knew a man like him didn't fall in love, not because he couldn't, but because he wouldn't _let_ himself.

And she knew all too well that kind of man didn't change for the kind of woman she was.

Covering her mouth, feeling a burning at the backs of her eyes, she realized that she would have to distance herself from Kakashi. It wasn't fair to him if they were both looking or different things, and she was no longer a little girl with stars in her eyes. He had never treated her as anything but a grown woman, and so it was time to act like one.

Kakashi wasn't looking for anything more than a casual physical relationship from her. Sure, there was friendship involved, and she liked to think that they respected one another equally. But that was all.

Curling her hand into a fist, she resolved to draw back from him until she could make sure her emotions were where they should be. Maybe doing that would destroy what they had right now, but it was the only thing she could do. The thought that she wouldn't be able to see him again as anything but her former teacher made her inexpressibly sad, but then, that was the problem, wasn't it?

And it wasn't just for his sake, either. She had her own heart to protect, too. Why she couldn't just fall for normal men like any other girl, she didn't know. Maybe she didn't have the common sense of other women, but she seemed doomed to fall for men who could never love her the way she needed them to.

Sighing, Sakura waved her hand through the air as if to dismiss the thoughts, quickened her pace once again. Being late to everything might have been Kakashi's trademark move, but she prided herself on her punctuality.

When she neared the posts where she was supposed to meet her team Sakura slowed to a jog, evening out her breathing so that it wouldn't be obvious she'd been hurrying to meet them. There was only one other person there, but she had been warned when she'd been briefed that it would be a small team. They simply didn't have the manpower to put as many shinobi in the key areas as they should have, otherwise the village would be completely vulnerable to an attack.

Lifting her hand in a wave, Sakura called out, "Hello!"

The kunoichi at the gate turned and smiled almost shyly, her dark hair trailing down her back in a braid to her waist. She was dressed modestly and carried very little with her, but Sakura knew from experience that Hinata was a valuable asset to any mission. Aside from the Jyuuken, which she could employ with skill, she was an excellent tracker, and even had some experience with healing jutsu.

Glad that there was someone she knew she could get along well with, Sakura's smile grew and she stopped next to the other woman, bowing slightly. "I'm glad that we'll be working together again, Hinata-san."

Blushing slightly at the attention, Hinata laughed softly and returned the bow. "I'm glad as well, Sakura-san. It's an honor to be on your team for your first mission back."

Scratching one cheek, a little embarrassed for the praise, Sakura replied, "Is it just us?"

White eyes widening, Hinata shook her head. "Kakashi-sensei will join us as well. He came in just when I did, and asked to be assigned to our team for the mission."

Trying to keep her expression cool, Sakura asked, "Oh? Well, three isn't a bad number."

Glancing at the ground, then back up at Sakura from under her lashes, Hinata said sweetly, "With the two of you on the team, I'll have to work hard to compare. Still, I hope the mission doesn't become too dangerous."

"Me too," Sakura replied, rolling her shoulders restlessly. "Where is he? It's not professional to be so late all the time."

Coming up behind her, Kakashi raised a hand. "Yo. Looks like we're all here."

Half-turned toward him, arching one pink brow in an irritated expression, Sakura replied, "Finally."

He smiled a little, rubbing the back of his head. "We shouldn't waste any more time. They updated the mission description and gave it to me right before I left. We're protecting the northern border for about a five-mile radius."

Surprised, Sakura asked, "Why so far? That's extreme for border patrol."

Kakashi shrugged, waving a hand carelessly. "We're overlapping with another team, so it's not so bad. We'll do a quick sweep close to the border tonight, and then plot out the rest when we set up camp."

Hinata interjected quietly. "That sounds good. We should hurry before it gets too dark."

Without another word, the three of them set off, her teammates to either side of Sakura. Because they both had skill tracking, they were watching forward as well as to their sides, while Sakura just focused on what was directly ahead of them.

It was a little uncomfortable to be on a mission with Kakashi that would require constant interaction for a week, especially after the decision she'd just made, but the fact that Hinata was the other part of their team would make it easier. His words came back to her then, the casual comment that it might not be a good idea to go on missions together.

Why, then, had he requested to be on a team with her?

Tired of speculating on Kakashi's reasons, Sakura shoved them to the back of her mind and focused on the mission at hand. That was why she was on field duty again, after all.

---

All of sudden, this mission becomes a lot longer than I expected. I wonder what I'm getting myself into... It's hard when I never know where the writing will take me until the chapter is done. Oh well!

As a note to the reviewer who seems concerned that I used the term "antisocial" incorrectly in one of my previous chapters -- Sakura was using it in common conversation with its more casual meaning of just generally not being a sociable person. She wasn't referring to Kakashi as having Antisocial personality disorder, which is what you mentioned learning about in a course. :) I'm a psych major myself, but thanks for pointing it out - I do happen to find it very interesting! (I wonder if it's a bad thing that the personality disorders are the part of psychology I find most intriguing...)


	15. Part Fifteen

_Spin_

Chapter Fifteen

"Here, I made some tea."

Bending at the waist, Sakura offered a thermos to her teammate, her smile a little weary around the edges, but still evident. They'd been patrolling the border for five days, and during that time, there had scarcely been a whisper of even animal activity, much less enemy nin. They'd met with the other team at least once a day, fleetingly, and their report was the same: alarmingly, distressingly quiet. With all the attacks Konoha had been under and the relentless assault their neighboring countries had plagued them with, Sakura had assumed that they would be fairly active on their patrol.

The calm made her anxious. Maybe it was superstitious, but she couldn't help but feel like something was gathering itself for a huge attack. She wasn't one to look on the bleak side of things if she could help it, but the very fact that she, Hinata, and Kakashi were on border patrol was a testament of the times - they were working that hard to keep their enemies at bay.

Straightening, she rubbed the back of her neck, gaze traveling across their makeshift camp. They were constantly on the move, and so only pitched one tent at a time - after all, because they were a three man team, one person slept, the other kept a tight watch on the area spanning around the camp, and the third roamed. Hinata had just come back from sweeping the area and was getting ready to sleep; all that was left was to wake Kakashi.

Dropping her arm, Sakura murmured, "I'll go wake Kakashi up."

White eyes lifting, Hinata nodded, lowering the thermos of tea. "After this rotation, we should move again."

Sakura grunted an assent, disliking the idea of having to travel before she got to sleep, but knowing that it was essential. They tried to keep their time in any one place short, two shifts at the most, though usually one. However, Sakura knew Hinata had expended a lot of her chakra using the Byakugan to scout the area, so they would let her rest before they moved.

After all, she was used to running on empty.

Turning back the flap of the tent, Sakura leaned in, annoyed to see Kakashi already awake. He was pulling on his sandals, otherwise fully dressed, as he had been when he'd fallen asleep; honestly, she didn't know why he was bothering to even mess with his sandals. Usually he just slept with them on while on a mission.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, trying to disguise how tired she felt, Sakura greeted, "I hope you had a good rest. Hinata-san is back."

"I know." Without looking up, he pulled his pant leg down, straightened. He'd been doing that a lot lately - answering her without looking at her.

She thought it might've been because they were on a mission, and not alone by any means. Though Hinata wasn't a pushy woman, she noticed more than many people gave her credit for, and of course they would have to be careful around one another if they were going to keep their intimacy a secret. Aside from that, Sakura had already made the decision to distance herself from him following this mission - in all honesty, she should have been relieved.

The fact that it irritated her was just one more danger sign.

"All right. I'll get ready to head out, then." She stepped back, watched him angle his head slightly toward her.

"Sakura, wait." Striding out after her, he glanced around the area, settled his gaze on her. His eye was patient, but detached. "I'll go this time. You're more tired than I am."

Resentment prickling at his observation, even though it was correct, she folded her arms. "I stayed at camp last time. It's only fair."

Nothing in his expression changed, but because she knew him, she caught the very subtle shift of his stance. "You might as well stay here and rest." She opened her mouth to argue again, but he cut her off. "You're just a liability if you're operating at forty percent effectiveness when I could be out there at eighty."

Her entire expression shifted, something cold settling in her chest and slowly sliding to her stomach. It was his way, and she knew she shouldn't be hurt by it, but her feelings were tender and always had been. She allowed the silence to drag between them, a tension building that wasn't entirely appropriate to the situation, but _was _all her doing. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, his matter-of-fact statement didn't bother her as much as the fact that it was one of the only things he'd said to her in five days together.

"Fine." She said it through her teeth, closed her eyes against the temper and hurt that wanted to flash in them. "I'll stay. Hinata-san and I will have the camp broken down when you get back."

He nodded, departed as abruptly as the conversation ended. Unconsciously, she'd curled her hands into fists; she relaxed them down, dropping her arms to her sides in a tired gesture.

"Sakura-san? If I may?"

Somehow, she'd forgotten Hinata was even _there_. Embarrassed, Sakura schooled her expression into a sheepish one, faced her with every intention to explain away what had just passed between them. Something about her expression stopped her, however.

There was quiet understanding, and a little bit of sadness in Hinata's direct gaze. Sakura blinked, and Hinata touched her shoulder, smiling a little bit.

"It seems Kakashi-sensei is just worried about you. Please don't take his comment to heart. It's probably the only way he knew how to make sure you stayed here."

Hinata's insight both irritated her and shamed her a little. Given his mysterious, backwards ways, that was likely very true, and she was unhappy that she hadn't come to that conclusion herself. She considered herself as close to Kakashi as he would allow anyone to be, and it had taken someone on the outside, someone who didn't even _know _him to explain his actions.

She must have looked like such a child in Hinata's eyes.

"That... makes sense." Exhaling, Sakura smiled, patted Hinata's hand. "I just get frustrated so easily with comments like that. It's probably because I'm tired, and the fact that he's _right_ just.. ugh."

She shook her head, shoulders relaxing. "He hasn't been my sensei for years, but I guess he's never going to stop worrying like one."

"Is that it?" Hinata asked, a gentle murmur.

Sakura's gaze snapped to Hinata's sharply, she unable to stop the startled look. After a beat of awkward silence, she confirmed, "That must be it."

Hinata nodded slowly, smiled once more. "Kurenai-sensei can be that way, too. Well, I'll be getting some rest now, Sakura-san."

Relieved, but not wanting to show it, Sakura nodded. Hinata departed, leaving her alone with her thoughts and speculations on Kakashi's behavior - and the more she thought about it, the more she believed what her friend had said.

Still, Hinata seemed to suspect more than she had admitted. That was troubling, especially considering how distant they had been with one another for the duration of their mission. If anything, the Hyuuga should have gotten the impression they were unhappy with one another, not otherwise.

Well, there wasn't anything she could do about it now. Anyway, her plans for after this mission would dispel any notions Hinata had, so...

Curling a fist loosely in front of her heart, she gave herself a moment to gather her feelings, tuck them away. Personal issues had no place on a mission.

---

She wasn't far from camp, but she had distanced herself enough to make her scouting worthwhile. It was a testament to her own stubborn will that Sakura had been able to focus entirely on the mission, school her thoughts to nothing more than watching the trees and brush, listening to the wind rustle branches. The quiet continued to erode her comfort, enough that she found herself jerking to attention at every rustle, natural though they all were.

Lifting a hand to the back of her neck, she massaged it as she walked, her own footsteps the only sound that didn't belong in the peaceful forest. A twig snapped, and she stopped, annoyed with herself for being so careless. Her eyes dropped to her sandals, and she frowned, gaze sweeping over the naked ground under her feet.

Knowledge came into her eyes in a split second, and even as she pulled back, gathering chakra into her fists, she felt something hard and cold drive into her lower back.

Reeling forward, she stumbled, knowing that she had only heartbeats to regain her balance and dodge the next attack. The nin that had kicked her had clearly been attempting to sneak past her and into the village, and now that she knew of his presence, there was only one alternative.

Twisting in mid-step, she threw all of her weight to the right and barely avoided the flurry of shuriken that came whizzing at her. Pain blossomed in her cheek, a hot flash as it was split open and blood poured down the side of her face. Strands of delicate hair, soft pink as the petals of a flower, floated on the air where she had been, spiraling to the ground with the lazy descent of the weightless.

"Dammit!" Struggling for purchase on the forest floor, Sakura activated the chakra tags that she'd planted on her teammates, her expression fierce as she rushed the first of many that would come.

---

Hinata was woken from a short but deep sleep by a sudden, searing heat against her heart. Gasping, she shot upward, braid whipping behind her as she threw her blanket aside and sprinted out of the tent.

She was activating the Byakugan even as the enemy materialized out of the trees, and she grit her teeth, falling into a familiar stance and preparing to battle them alone.

---

The intense heat against his skin was enough to stop Kakashi cold. It wasn't a method he was used to, but Sakura had insisted on using her chakra to form a means of communication when they were all separate; if anything happened to overwhelm one of them, they could press their fingers above their heart and send a surge of chakra into one of the tags, effectively activating them all for a few seconds. He knew that she wouldn't use it lightly, and because of that, he shifted direction abruptly, drawing his mask down as he did.

He bit his thumb, broke the skin. Never a man to lose his head to his emotions, Kakashi nevertheless rushed his summoning jutsu, performing it as he landed heavily against the trunk of a tree.

A familiar dog appeared, small and pug-like. Before greetings could be made, Kakashi ordered, "Find Kiba. Tell him we're under attack, and to find Sakura."

Without another word, Pakkun dove to the ground, and Kakashi continued threading through the trees as fast as his body would carry him.

---

Where the hell did they keep coming from?

Overwhelmed and aching, bruised in places she couldn't even feel anymore, Sakura fell back, pressing her back to the rough bark of a tree. Her breathing was heavy and rasping, each intake burning her lungs with the effort. For every shinobi that she felled, two more slithered in from the shadows, each one as able and skilled as the last. Her chakra was running dangerously low, and if she didn't get back-up soon, she -

Refusing to allow herself to dwell, Sakura turned, feeling heat sear down her arms as she infused them with an inhuman strength. There were at least five nin coming at her from one side, and she knew she couldn't take them all in hand-to-hand combat unless she outran them first. That simply wasn't an option, not when they were closing in on all sides.

Slapping her palms to either side of the tree, she braced herself and pulled, using all of her strength to rip the massive trunk from the ground. Dirt and roots tangled with one another, sending a spray of rocks into the air as she wrenched the tree free and swung it like a baseball bat. At the last second, she released it, screaming as she did; the tree went hurtling in front of her, smashing into equally thick trunks, bowing them over as though they were dominoes.

Her legs buckled under her, knees hitting the ground before her hands did. Her chest burned with an unholy pain, and she knew that she was reaching her own physical limits. She'd activated the tags what felt like hours ago; where _were _they? Had they been ambushed too?

Digging her fingers into the dirt, she forced herself to rise, barely twisted enough to dodge the arrow that came whizzing from the trees. It landed in the ground next to her, buried deeply with the force of the shot, and her eyes widened at the sight of it. Not because it impressed her, but because she knew it wasn't the only one that would be coming.

Her body jerked roughly, left shoulder turned harshly inward as she was pierced by not one but two arrows. A dizzy sort of fear came over her, and she brought her right hand up, attempting to rip the arrows out of her shoulder. She only succeeded in breaking them; swiveling her head sickly, watching the ground spin beneath her, she was startled to see dark red arrowheads emerging from the fabric of her shirt, a deep stain already turning the top impossibly more red.

She couldn't even feel the wound.

She didn't feel the ground when she hit it, either.


	16. Part Sixteen

_Spin_

Chapter Sixteen

Summer was a potent, heavy presence in Konoha, bathing its streets with the rich scents and flavors of the season, inspiring the townspeople to sunbathe during the day and hold lively festivals in the night. Fireflies came out to flirt with one another, their winking lights warring with the paper lanterns strewn merrily through the branches of the trees. When dusk fell and the heat soaked into the earth, the townspeople regained all their energy, came out in large groups to dance with one another until the stars glowed in the sky.

It was rare that Sakura joined them, even though she loved the festivals as much as the next person. Even at the tender age of seventeen, her time and focus were entwined too deeply with her training as a medical nin for her to recklessly party all night. Too often she sat in her room, books stacked to her shoulders, a candle burning long after her parents had gone to sleep. While Ino and the others were out enjoying themselves, she was perched tiredly at a desk, doing her best not to fall asleep before she finished her assigned reading.

Most of the time, she was excited by the research. The fact that she even had access to the books - no, literally, tomes - meant that Tsunade trusted her. Having someone as powerful and inspiring as the Hokage place her faith in her, call her _apprentice, _meant more to Sakura than any evening out could.

Still, there were nights she found herself gazing longingly out the window, watching the tops of the trees sway and the lanterns dance to the beat of a song she could barely hear. Even when she lifted the pages of her book, tried to will herself to pay attention to it, her eyes would drift closed, a smile would flirt with the corners of her mouth. Even if she wasn't there, she would pretend that she was, would relax into the feeling of having nothing more pressing to do than grab a handsome boy and drag him onto the dance floor.

Sighing, an endless amount of girlish desires slipping into the night with the simple exhale, she leaned forward, running her fingers through locks of pale pink. Her window was open as wide as it could, inviting all the noises of the festival, but she'd never felt further away from it, or the life of a normal girl her age.

She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the tension that gathered in her shoulders like the pressure of enormous hands. It had been hours since she'd given herself a break, longer since she'd eaten. As if one cue, her stomach rumbled, and she drew back, expression the picture of irritation.

As if she was going to eat. It was way too late for that, and it would only go straight to her _enormous thighs_.

Rising, she licked the tips of her fingers and snuffed out her candle, resigned to the fact that she would just have to go to bed and hope the she could actually get some sleep. The only problem was, she wasn't tired, and she knew if she tried to sleep, she would just toss and turn and think about how hungry she was.

She stood in the center of her room, debating with herself. What she really wanted to do was go see if Ino was still at the festival. It was late, but there were definitely still people out there dancing, and if she knew her friend, she was having the time of her life with whoever she'd roped into a date that night. If Sakura recalled, Ino had tried to set her up with a friend of a friend, but she'd shot down that idea almost before it was fully expressed. If anything, Sakura did _not _want to date.

There was a chance that guy would be there. There was a greater chance that he'd found another date, probably with Ino's help. It wouldn't be awkward if she went down for a little while, and anyway, nothing said she had to stay.

Her mind made up, Sakura grabbed a light jacket out of her closet and tiptoed down the hall, mood lightening with every step. Though her parents wouldn't exactly disapprove, mostly because they would think she'd been called out on a mission, Sakura really didn't want to explain to them where she was going. As far as they were concerned, she was studying until the candles burnt themselves out, and soon would have a decent paying position in the hospital.

Despite it being night, the air was still a little warm on her skin. She tipped her head back, her first true smile of the night spreading when she watched fireflies chase one another around above her head. It felt daring to be heading out this late, liberating in ways that she would have felt foolish attempting to describe. For a few hours, at least a few hours, she was going to wander Konoha's streets and enjoy herself like anyone else.

Even shishou wouldn't get angry about that. For all she knew, her mentor was down there as well, three sheets to the wind and halfway through a drinking contest.

Giggling at the image, she stretched her arms above her head and started down the path, feeling the tension leave her with each step. She'd nearly made it to the city when a subtle movement to her right caught her attention. Not really surprised, just assuming it was someone leaving the festival, she cast a quick smile their way, not intending to stop and talk.

"Yo, Sakura. You're up late." Lifting his hand, her former teacher came to a halt a few feet from her, posture relaxed and casual as it always was.

She blinked, bemused. "I was studying, and I needed a breather." Unable to keep the incredulity from her voice, she asked, "Were you at the festival?"

He peered over his shoulder, shook his head. "Just coming back from a mission."

After he said it, she noticed how dirty his clothes were. Feeling suddenly childish, she wrapped her arms around herself, chewed her lip in consideration. "Did it go well?"

Nodding, Kakashi massaged the back of his neck. "It was fine." After a slight pause, he mused, "Better not stay out too late. I think Shizune mentioned teaching you something new tomorrow."

"Really?" Unable to keep the excitement from her voice, she added happily, "I thought so, too. She said I've been doing really well with the concepts I've learned so far, and with my extra research, I might be ready for shishou to show me the more advanced method for suturing with chakra."

She stopped suddenly, a flush overtaking her features. Lifting her hands, she waved them in front of her, laughing lightly. "But I'm sure you aren't too interested in that. You're probably tired. You should get home and get some rest, sensei."

He smiled, the crinkling of his eye the only indication of it. "It's good to see you so enthusiastic."

She beamed at him, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ears. The wind picked up, cooling her heated cheeks. "I _am _really enthusiastic. But I'm serious! You need to get some sleep."

He chuckled, obliging her by slipping his hands into his pockets and resuming his walk. She waited until he got to the end of the road, oddly satisfied by the conversation. It wasn't as though he'd praised her, but she felt like his recognition was enough. Even her former sensei had noticed her enthusiasm, and more than that, he was apparently keeping track of her progress. It was nice to be... well, noticed.

As she turned to go to the festival, she didn't think about the fact that her road was entirely out of his way. It didn't occur to her that he might have been checking up on her, or that he'd made it a specific point to walk by her house.

No, Sakura didn't think about those things at all.

---

Oh no, I'm mean, aren't I? :) We'll see what happens to Sakura a little later. I'm going to take some time to explore snapshots of their past together, and the little hints of regard that neither Sakura nor Kakashi noticed. Expect a few short chapters like this before we head back to the present.

Thank you to all my reviewers, and all the readers who've been patiently waiting for me to update. It means a lot that you're all still reading and enjoying this.


	17. Part Seventeen

_Spin_

Chapter Seventeen

"Sakura! Sakura!"

Nestled securely under her boyfriend of two years' protective arm, Sakura peered across the room, more than mildly amused to see the woman she respected most swaying drunkenly toward her, cheeks flushed, face lit with an inviting smile. The party wasn't huge, Sakura preferring to keep it to close friends, but even still, there was an impressive amount of people gathered.

The most lively, though, had to be Tsunade. Lifting her hand, Sakura laughed and called out, "Don't fall, shishou."

She'd meant it as a joke, but still she winced and watched her teacher until she made it safely to her side. Tsunade all but threw herself into a chair, gripping a bottle of sake between two fingers, her grin mile wide. "You need to relax. It's your birthday, so drink a little."

"Isn't the phrase 'live a little,' or am I just crazy?" Kiba wondered aloud, running one hand absently down his girlfriend's shoulder.

Tsunade waved a hand dismissively at Kiba. "What's the difference? Hey, let her go for a while and go drink with the boys."

Sakura glanced across the room, saw Shikamaru and Naruto heatedly debating over something as they shared a tall bottle of liquor. She couldn't hear their conversation from her vantage point, but judging by Naruto's flushed demeanor and expressive gestures, he was more than a little bit tipsy. Shikamaru looked as disgruntled as ever, but his face bore the tell-tale warmth of overindulgence as well.

Shifting, she patted Kiba's chest. "Shishou is right. Go have some fun. I want to talk to the girls for a while."

He groaned, flinging his arms back and over the couch. "You know I can't. I've got a mission in five hours."

"Oh, yeah." She frowned, having somehow forgotten Kiba's assignment. His tracking expertise was needed, and more than that, he wanted a little extra cash in his pocket, so he'd signed up for a mission even though it was the night of her twenty-first birthday. She tried not to resent it, but it was a little annoying that she'd be stuck sleeping alone.

They didn't technically live together, but Kiba liked to stay over at her apartment whenever he could. It was a sort of unspoken thing between them, neither really wanting to commit to that level of relationship, but enjoying the constant companionship nevertheless. She enjoyed having someone to curl up next to in the night, and breakfast became more worthwhile when it was cooked for two people.

"Hey." When she ignored him, Kiba lowered his lids, expression contemplative as he grabbed a lock of her hair and yanked lightly. "Hey, Sakura."

She swatted at him, though the move was good natured. "What? Aren't you going to go save Naruto and Shikamaru from themselves?"

"In a minute." Gripping her shoulders lightly, he turned her toward him, lazy expression becoming devious as he did so. "Need to bolster my spirit before I attempt it, though."

Tipping her head back, she asked, "Oh?"

"Yeah." He relaxed his hands, his smile widening as he drew her to him."Looking at a couple of ugly guys like that sober? Please."

His mouth was a breath from hers when there was a commotion, and she turned, earning a frustrated sigh from her boyfriend as she did. Framed in the doorway, looking out of place in his typical jounin gear, Kakashi hesitated a moment before striding in. He was hailed by Tsunade, who managed to get halfway out of her chair before swaying dangerously and nearly upending.

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei made it." Patting Kiba on the chest, Sakura pressed a quick kiss to his mouth, grinning. "Just a second. I know he's not going to stick around for long, so I want to say hi."

"Dumped for an old guy," Kiba muttered, but he rolled his eyes and nodded when she stood up and bounded over.

Nudging past Ino, barely interrupting her stride as she flirted with one of the medical-nin that Sakura had become reasonably close friends with, Sakura managed to corner her former teacher. She grinned up at him, just as sober as he was, and asked, "Here for the party?"

"Just dropping in." He leaned back on his heels, dark eye holding her face a moment. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." For some reason, her smile was foolishly wide.

Behind her, Naruto let out a righteous yell, followed by an equally heated response from Shikamaru. Sakura glanced over her shoulder, rolling her eyes. "Hey! Keep it down!"

Naruto glanced over, then brightened. Without looking at his friend, he shoved Shikamaru in the chest, striding over. "Hey! You made it! Sweet, have some sake." Without waiting for an answer, he plucked up two bottles, trying to urge one into each of their hands.

"No, I have a mission." Kakashi pushed Naruto's hand away, and Sakura's gaze was keen on his.

"Are you and Kiba going on the same one?"

Hearing his name, her boyfriend looked over hopefully, then sank back against the sofa with an exaggerated sigh.

"I think so." He checked the wall clock, adding, "We need to go."

This gave Sakura pause, and the happy smile on her face died at the edges. Though she was pleased to see him and she'd expected he wouldn't linger, the thought that he'd only shown up at all to pick up his teammate for the mission fluttered to the forefront of her mind. Kakashi wasn't a man who was known for large gestures, and he certainly wasn't the type who would mingle and drink in a crowd like this. Still, part of her had hoped that he would at least take a few minutes to catch his breath before he was out the door again.

She should've been used to being disappointed, but every time, it hit her a little bit harder.

Taking the bottle from Naruto, she also snatched up the one meant for Kakashi, tipping her head back to take a long pull of the drink. Kakashi watched, one eyebrow slowly raising, while Naruto let out a whoop and circled his fist above his head.

"Yeah, Sakura-chan! You drink like a pro!"

"'Course she does," Tsunade slurred, grinning as she draped herself over Naruto. He staggered under the sudden weight, but remained standing. "She's my pupil, isn't she?"

Inhaling deeply, Sakura dragged the back of her hand across her mouth, angling her body away from Kakashi. If he'd only come to get Kiba, fine. She wouldn't be angry with him, because that was useless, and she would be the only one upset about it. It was her birthday, and she was having too much fun to let herself be hurt by something that shouldn't have bothered her to begin with.

"Kiba! Kakashi-sensei says it's time to go!" He rose, weaving through the bodies to join her. Once at her side, he slipped a hand around her hip, pulling her over for the kiss she'd denied him earlier.

To their right, Naruto gagged.

"Happy birthday, Sakura." Kiba kissed her nose, then his eyes shifted to Kakashi, and there was the tell-tale excitement lurking in them that meant he was already checking out. Already heading to the mission.

Trying not to be disappointed, Sakura said suddenly, "I want a picture! Me, Kakashi-sensei, and Naruto."

"Sakura, I-"

"No buts, sensei!" She hooked one arm in each of their's, dragging them across the room to where Ino was. "Ino! Take a picture!"

Disentangling herself from the eager grasp of her male companion, Ino produced a camera and ushered them all closer. "Okay, lean in. Oh, for God's sake, Sakura, put the bottles down."

Laughingly, Sakura replied, "No! Just take it!"

"Okay, one, two..."

She leaned in toward Naruto at the last second, her head resting on his shoulder, and beside her, Kakashi's mask moved in what might have been a smile.

Then again, it might not have been.

A/N: Wow, gosh, it's been a long time! I've had this chapter sitting on my computer forever. To be honest, I thought about not finishing this fic at all, but... I feel like I've put a lot into it, so I should. Hope you enjoyed this! I'll be getting back to the regular storyline next chapter. Sorry it's so short, but it's weird to finish off a chapter that's over a year old!


	18. Part Eighteen

_Spin_

Chapter Eighteen

The disquieted cries of twin baby boys were all that broke the silence, piercing against the respectful hush over the crowd of gathered shinobi. A baby tucked against each of their chests, Shikamaru and Ino clung to one another's hands as a lifeline, and it was difficult to tell whose eyes were more red. At their side, Naruto stood, back stiff and straight as he looked across those assembled, tears tracking unashamedly down his face. The ceremony, if it could be called that, was over; those who had prepared words spoke them, and those who were simply there to mourn, mourned. Slowly, the people were going back to their lives, hearts heavy with the loss of one of their own, but knowing that they had to move on.

As he passed, Kiba avoided all their eyes, his fists clenched tight and teeth gritted. Naruto hesitated, reaching out to touch his shoulder, but the other man avoided it. Part of him was relieved, because what could he say? What words could he try to use that wouldn't lodge in his throat, die on his lips unspoken?

Kiba walked on, gait halting, and Naruto closed his eyes. Her face flashed before them, pale and lovely, a smile slowly widening a mouth that he knew almost as well as his own. A smile he would no longer see, a voice he would no longer hear --

"Where the _fuck_ is he?" Ino managed, her voice thick as she gripped her husband's hand. Naruto's heart seized, and he took in a shuddering breath. "Not even coming to pay his goddamn respects. What kind of man--"

"He probably feels responsible." Shikamaru's voice was tight, strained from trying to hold back his own emotions. "You know how he is.."

"It's not right," Naruto said, quietly. It was enough to plunge them all in silence; his voice was rarely ever that low, that steady. "She was on his team. She was on his _team; _he should be here."

His hands balled at his sides, tension whitening his knuckles. Whatever his reasons, Kakashi should have been there. No goddamn excuses this time, no last-minute missions: no excuses. Naruto didn't think it was his fault, couldn't believe that even in the darkest part of his heart, but that didn't mean that he could just run from his problems.

Because he couldn't bear to stand there any longer, because it reminded him too much of Tsunade's death, he turned away, leaving Shikamaru and Ino to stay or leave. He didn't even have to work his way through the crowd. Out of respect of lack of anything to say, he didn't know, but they parted for him, let him pass with bowed heads. Though nothing romantic had ever come of them, the people of Konoha knew how important she'd been to him, and vice-versa. Though the ache was raw and fresh, he knew that later, it would help to remember everyone who had been there. Maybe not a lot, and certainly not right away, but it would help.

Bringing a hand up to his face, he palmed his forehead, shoulders shaking inward as tears slipped over his cheeks again.

Maybe later, it would help.

She'd worked at the hospital sometimes. Somehow, since she was gone, she was all Kiba could think about; standing in the lobby, his hands in his pockets, he watched the medical-nin go through the motions of their day and couldn't help but imagine her among them. Maybe it was all a bad dream, and she wasn't really dead. Maybe he hadn't just stood over her closed casket, tears burning the backs of his eyes, and told her how much really loved her much too late. Maybe none of that had ever really happened, and she'd come around the corner, smiling, and say --

"Kiba."

The voice was all wrong. It was a man, behind him, and he stiffened. Kakashi. The bastard who hadn't even gone to her funeral, the one who had been on the goddamn _mission_ with her --

Wheeling, grief and fury waging war in his eyes, he raised his fist before he could even think about it. It was a testament to his own guilt that Kakashi didn't flinch, didn't even try to dodge the punch that snapped his head to the side, split his lip beneath his mask. Seconds later, medical-nin were pulling him back, wrestling his arms behind his back, but they couldn't stop his words.

"She fucking _died_ and you didn't even come! I will _never_ forgive you!"

Kakashi closed his eye, posture rigid in a way that Kiba would not have recognized. There was guilt in his stance, regret etched in the lines of his face, but the only person who could have read it was beyond seeing him.

A pale young woman laid in a bed, tubes snaking out of her wrist, chest rising and falling shallowly underneath a crisp while bedsheet. She had been unconscious for days, fair skin paler than even usual, lips dry and cracked. Those who came to visit were disappointed when she didn't stir, though the medical-nin said that any day now, she would be up again. She was a strong woman, they said. She was a fighter.

Sitting at the edge of her bed, a gloved hand curled loosely around a small palm that had never before seemed so delicate, Kakashi wondered. The machines next to him beeped, an eerie rhythm in an otherwise silent room, and his thumb worked slow circles against the back of her palm.

His cheek ached, and he knew Kiba's parting gift would blossom into a dark, ugly mark by the end of the day, if it hadn't already. He didn't actually mind, almost felt like it was the least he deserved. One of the two kunoichi that had been assigned to a team with him was in the ground, and the other unresponsive in a hospital bed. He and Kiba were alive and well, and he knew the other man was feeling just as impotent as he was; they simply expressed it in different ways.

Dropping his head, he shifted in the chair, back aching from his poor posture. A medic came in, checked the chart at the foot of the bed in silence, left shortly afterward. Unconsciously, he tightened his grip on the slender hand in his own, lips pursed together.

For a moment, he didn't realize that there was pressure being applied to his fingers, albeit light. Slowly, he looked up, one dark eye falling on a pair of bright green ones, watching him solemnly out of an otherwise still face.

"Sakura." Relief was dizzying, intoxicating, and nearly painful, but it was instant. He brought her hand up, pressed her palm to his chest. Though the gesture was feeble, she fanned her fingers out, and the edges of her mouth turned up in a smile.

"Hey, you." Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat, pink tongue darting out to moisten her lips. They passed a few moments in silence, just looking at each other, before she asked, "How is... everyone?"

Though it wasn't the time for it, he knew she wouldn't forgive him if he kept the truth from her. "Hyuuga Hinata passed away. Her remains were buried this morning."

Her fingers curled against the collar of his vest, and she bit down on her lip, hard enough to draw blood. She turned away when he would have held her gaze, and his stomach rolled, helplessness coiling in the base of it.

"And Kiba? Shino?"

"Both fine." He frowned when she tugged her hand back, but didn't fight it when she rested it on the bed, hand curled into a loose fist. She seemed strained, and exhausted; her chest rose and fell, rose and fell, but faster, now.

"I should call the medic." He started to stand, expecting Sakura to say no, insist that he give her just a few more moments, just the two of them. When she didn't, he frowned.

"Can you get Kiba?"

The hand that was reaching for her stopped, hovered over the railing of the hospital bed. Jealousy was an emotion that he rarely indulged, but for just a moment, it snaked around his heart, viciously pulled on it.

"Kiba?" The unspoken question tormented them both, for just a moment. _You don't want me here?_

"I only want... Kiba." Her voice was so small, and it trembled. He wanted to turn her face back to his, run his fingertips over the ridge of her cheek. He wanted to comfort, but... she didn't want him.

"I'll get him." His voice was cool, dispassionate. "Anything else?"

Softly, almost too softly to be heard, she whispered, "No, nothing else, sensei."

He slipped out of the room, quieter than when he had come in, and she turned her face into her shoulder, biting down on the fabric of her gown to muffle her tears. When Kiba came into the room, he didn't say anything; he simply slid into the bed next to her, let her slide into his arms and weep against his chest while he ran a hand down her hair.


	19. Part Nineteen

_Spin_

Chapter Nineteen

Winter fell on Konoha with a heavy embrace, bowing the branches of the trees and stripping them of their leaves. A quiet settled on the village, and with it a routine; comfortable and familiar. Though Naruto had disappeared again on a training mission, the village council was confident that he would soon return, and there were whispers that when he did, he would finally take his place as Rokudaime. Times were changing, and with the spring would come all manner of new adventures, experiences, chances.

Arms wrapped around her knees, Sakura leaned her head against her friend's shoulder, expelled a long breath. "Kiba?"

"Yeah?" He rested his head atop hers, bringing a cup of steaming noodles up to his mouth to slurp at them. The angle was strange, and he struggled not to get broth on her.

She watched snowflakes drift lazily from the sky, reached out with one hand to catch one. It melted instantly, quickly followed by two of its brothers. "What's wrong with me?"

There was a beat of silence, then he said seriously, "Well, you have a big ass."

Eyebrow twitching, she asked, "Oh?"

"Yeah." After another brief pause, he added, "Please don't hit me."

She didn't hit him, but she did slide her hand over the top of his and bend his fingers back. He swore ripely, dropping his noodles and moaning when they tumbled into the snow. "Aw, Sakura. I wasn't done with that."

"I'm being serious." She shoved her hair back, brows knit in a worried expression. In the distance, she saw one jounin hail another, watched them come together and clasp hands in camaraderie. Part of her was jealous, for just a moment, of that closeness. Since her last mission, she'd spent weeks recuperating, and was only just getting back on her feet again. Perhaps due to Naruto's vehement insistence, she was allowed to remain at the hospital, and though she was glad, she also felt terribly weak.

Weak, useless. She hadn't even managed to make it back to the camp where Hinata had...

Mouth twisting, she dropped her head, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. She didn't even know how Hinata had died. Once again, she'd missed the funeral of someone important. Once again, she'd been helpless to save someone, hadn't even known the real extent of the danger.

"Hey." Slipping an arm around her shoulders, Kiba drew her over, running his hand up and down the length of her arm. "Sorry. What's wrong with you? Well... You're too damn hard on yourself, that's what. Tell me what's wrong, baby."

Grudgingly, she let herself be held, eyelids drooping. What was the problem? Hell if she even knew. Ever since the day in the hospital, Kakashi had given her space, which was... exactly what she wanted. Days turned into weeks, into months, and they'd barely spoken a handful of words to one another. They hadn't been dating, so it was impossible to say they'd broken up, but there had certainly been a severing. It was what she'd intended, what she'd needed to do even if she hadn't wanted to, but it left her raw inside. That alone told her that she'd done the right thing; she was obviously already too involved, too close.

Even months apart, she could still feel the ache, sometimes still turned to say something to him in the emptiness of her apartment. It was stupid, because they hadn't even lived together, but she'd gotten used to having him around. She'd gotten _used_ to telling him how her day went, to massaging his shoulders after a mission, to fighting over the last roll of sushi at the end of the meal. It wasn't even the sex that she missed, necessarily, though she did miss that. It was the little things, the constant companionship, the idea that she could take a short walk and fall into a pair of willing arms.

Sighing, she scrubbed her hands over her face. "Nevermind. I don't know. I just... I can't seem to hold a relationship together to save my life."

"That's not fair. We dated for years." He tugged on her hair, scowled. "Unless you don't count that."

"No, I do, I just..." Snuggling up against him, she turned her face into his shoulder. "I let him go, because I had to, but... I feel like I'm going to always _have to_."

Because she wasn't making any sense, the only thing he could do was hold her, and sigh. When she sniffled, he pressed a kiss on top of her head, murmured, "Hush, baby. You're all right."

Was she? Was she really all right? Sometimes, she wondered. She gave a passable impression, rallied herself for those around her, but along at night, she felt the walls of her reserves crumbling. The unpredictable times with Kakashi, the tenderness and the confusion, had started healing what she hadn't even known was broken. With him shoved out of her life, she was beginning to see how empty it really was, and that ached more than anything else.

"Kiba, I..." Drawing in a shaky breath, she sat back, rubbed furiously under her eyes. Her tone changed abruptly, and she said, "I'm going to go visit Hinata-san."

His face fell, a pinched look around his eyes that time alone would be able to heal. She rose, stroking his cheek as she did, and lifted her shoulders. "See you around, okay?"

"Yeah." He looked away, over a beautifully still landscape. "Say hi for me?"

She nodded, turning quickly.

The last person she expected to see standing in front of the memorial stone was Kakashi. It was stupid, since most of the people dear to him were dead, but the sight of him made her slow her approach, frown in confusion. Naruto had told her that he hadn't even gone to Hinata's funeral. She imagined it was because he'd been watching over her, but then, she didn't know that for certain. More likely, he just hadn't gone, and she was the last person he would tell why.

Chewing her lip, she tucked her fingers into her armpits, breath misting in front of her. She strode up beside him, eyes cast down to the stone, seeking the freshest carving. Hyuuga Hinata. Slowly, she lowered to a crouch, propping her elbows up on her knees as she examined it.

Beside her, Kakashi shifted his weight from one foot the other.

"Hi." Her voice faltered, and she cleared her throat. "Sorry I haven't been around lately. Things have been kind of crazy. It's weird, you know, because we weren't that close... but I feel responsible."

To her left, she could see Kakashi tense, nearly feel the waves of frustration coming off him. It was to her credit that she noticed at all, or maybe, he was feeling just as on edge as she was.

"Kiba is doing better. He really loved you, you know." She closed her eyes, brought forth an image of her friend's face. The excitement, the nerves, when he told her that Hinata was _the one_, he just hadn't figured out how to tell her. "But I think you already knew that. You knew a lot of things, noticed a lot that no one really gave you credit for."

The snow crunched under Kakashi's sandals as he shifted.

She looked upward, tried to separate the clouds swirling in the sky. "Everyone's doing all right. Things are different, and I think they always will be. We miss you, but we'll see you again one of these days."

She lapsed into silence, and her legs began to get tired. Without bothering to look over at him, she dropped to the ground, the snow cold against her backside. The silence stretched between them, an impossibly long handful of seconds, before he slowly lowered himself beside her.

It was the closest they'd been since the hospital, and both of them were keenly aware of it.

As always, she tried to outwait him. As always, he won.

"How have you been?" The question was so impersonal that it felt strange, forced. Maybe because it was.

"Mm, fine." His hand sought the ground between them, bare fingers teasing rivets into the snow. "You? Your injuries seem to have healed nicely."

"Scars," she supplied, automatically tugging a hand free to rub them over her shoulder. Round, raised marks, a constant reminder of the battle she hadn't been able to win, what had been lost. "But otherwise, fine. I'm back to full time at the hospital."

"I know." It was awkward, for both of them, so he cleared his throat. "Listen, Sakura..."

It was a tone she remembered well from her childhood. It was conversational, light. It meant he'd decided something, and he was going to ease her into it. For some reason, that made her heart beat faster, had panic swelling in her stomach. She was the one who had put distance between them, but she didn't know how she would handle it if he burned the bridge.

She wasn't ready for him to burn the bridge.

"Kakashi, wait." Finally, she looked at him, though he didn't return the courtesy. "I'm sorry. We've been.. _I_'ve been putting distance between us. I thought it was for the best."

She licked her lips when he didn't respond, pressed on. "I needed time to evaluate. I didn't... you know, want to confuse what we had with the mission, the loss." She hadn't wanted to _need him_ as much as she'd known she would. Instead, she'd used Kiba to fill that void, to lean on, to draw strength from. He was safe, after all.

The silence unnerved her, which in turn roused her temper. He was still staring straight ahead at the memorial stone.

"Damn it, say something."

"You're right."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You're right. It was a good idea to put distance between us." Finally, his gaze slid to hers, his dark eye peaceful, even a little amused. "You're a smart girl, Sakura. I wonder when you started getting one step ahead of me?"

He was beginning to sound more like her old teacher, and that made her stomach twist, too. She didn't _want_ Kakashi-sensei. She wasn't sure exactly what she did want, but she knew she didn't want things to go back to the way they had been. Not even the way they had been lately.

"So..." Now that he was looking at her, she wanted to look anywhere but at his eye. Because of that, she forced herself to hold his gaze. "What now?"

He brought a hand up, casually massaged his jaw. "We can't really go back to the way things were. Maybe this is best, Sakura. You're a pretty, bright woman; you'll find someone your own age to treat you well."

For some reason, his words infuriated her. Her cheeks, already pink from the cold, darkened, and her eyes sparked at him. There was an answer in his, for just a moment, before it closed off again.

Because she didn't quite trust herself, she took three deep breaths before she stood. Snow clung to the backs of her legs, and her scarf lifted with the breeze. Looking down at him, she lifted one hand, pointed a slender finger at him.

"You are a goddamn _jackass_." He didn't flinch, or even move at all, really. It only served to stoke the fire, and her voice raised. "I'm not a _child_, and I'm not looking for someone to _treat me well_. Once again, you have no idea how this even works, no concept of what it means to have a mature adult relationship -- once again, I'm the one who is picking up the pieces!"

She didn't even realize she was crying until she tasted salt, and it disgusted her. "I'm so tired of picking up everyone else's pieces. Who's going to pick up _mine_? Who is going to let me be a goddamn mess for once?"

"Sakura--"

"Don't _Sakura_ me!" She stomped her foot, chest burning from the effort to keep from screaming. "You just... you just... you make me..."

Whatever he made her, it was swallowed in his arms. He simply pulled her close, let her pound her fists against his chest, let the tears subside into embarrassed, soft sniffles. When she would have struggled away from him, he locked his arms around her waist, pressed his cheek to the top of her hair. Snowflakes dotted her shoulders, and she finally gave in, slipping her arms around behind him, fingers digging into the back of his vest.

"I missed you." Her voice was fierce, daring him to scold her for it.

His was tired. "I missed you, too."

It wasn't the same as before, and it wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind, but for the moment, it was enough.


	20. Part Twenty

_Spin_

Chapter Twenty

One palm pressed against her shoulder, Sakura rolled it in a slow circle as she stepped out of the hospital, her expression drawn. Though she'd technically been off hours ago, one of the recently promoted chuunin had come back from a mission that had gone terribly wrong, and she'd stayed behind to help as best she could. She'd managed to take him from near-death to simply critical, which wasn't as much as she would have hoped, but it was the best she could do running on empty. The other medical-nin would keep an eye him and would no doubt send for her if his condition took a rapid dive.

Until then, she could catch some sleep. Lately, she'd thought moving closer to the hospital would be a good idea. At first, she'd chosen her home because it was out of the way, and she was less likely to be called in for extra shifts, or so she had thought. It really didn't seem to matter, and all she was doing was giving herself an extra mile to walk. Some nights, she stayed with Kakashi, and that made the trek a little more bearable, but she tried not to do that more than two or three nights a week. They had established a precarious balance once again, but neither seemed willing to begin the conversation that would establish what they really were to one another.

As far as Sakura was concerned, that conversation couldn't be put off long enough. As always, she had no idea what was going on behind Kakashi's eyes when he stared at her for a little longer than necessary, and she wasn't going to be the one to invite the conversation that would end it all. She'd already tried to back away from him once, had discovered that she couldn't completely close herself off to what they'd begun even if she wanted to. Somehow, she suspected Kakashi wouldn't have that problem.

Somehow, she suspected he would find her just as easy to leave as Sasuke had.

The thought was sudden and invasive, and it actually made her stumble. Catching herself, she scowled, kicking viciously at the pebble in front of it. It went skating off into the distance, ricocheting off a tree and leaving a deep gouge behind. She'd told herself a long time ago that she would stop thinking about Sasuke, and she would be damned if she started comparing apples to oranges and predicting Kakashi's behavior by Sasuke's.

"What did that tree do to you?"

Surprised, she turned, eyes falling on a familiar slouched form. Though he looked tired, there was an alertness to Shikamaru's eyes that told her he'd been watching her for a time. For some reason, that embarrassed her, and her brows drew down. He pushed off the wall of a building, stretching his arms in front of him, and yawned hugely.

That dispelled the mild irritation that had begun to form, and she laughed. "Nothing. Just having some unpleasant thoughts. Why aren't you home, in bed? Or changing diapers?"

Shikamaru placed both hands on his face, rubbing briskly. When he spoke, it was muffled by his hands. "Just got back from a mission. Thought I'd stop by here, see how you are."

That was weird in and of itself, and Sakura's expression plainly said so. Though she and Shikamaru had become fairly close friends since he'd married Ino, they weren't the types who would go out of their way to check up on each other unless there was a reason. Especially not Shikamaru, whom she knew went straight home and collapsed into bed, face down, after a mission. Ino had expressed dissatisfaction with this several times in the past, so she knew it was a fairly regular thing, too.

Despite her reservations, she offered her arm, knowing that they would at least be able to walk in the same direction for a little while before they each headed to their respective homes. They fell into a silence, Sakura watching clumps of snow fall from heavy branches, Shikamaru apparently gathering his thoughts.

"Ino said you were thinking of moving." She looked over in surprise, wondered at the irritated look on his face. "Moving is such a pain in the ass. She's going to make me help."

Her laughter was fast and bright, and she squeezed his arm. "You'll live. Wow, news really does travel fast. Yeah, I'm thinking about it. It's just a pain to keep hiking to and from work, especially when the only reason I live so far out isn't even valid."

He sighed, and his tone was grumpy when he muttered, "A body can't get any peace in this village. When are you moving? Since if you were thinking about it enough to discuss it with Ino, it's pretty much a guarantee."

Because he knew her better than she'd thought he did, she ducked her head, grinning. "A few weeks, probably. My lease is up at the end of this month, so I was thinking I might as well pack up and head out. I'm going to take a few days off from the hospital to get things organized."

"Ino is probably going to be _delegating_." He rolled his eyes. "That's code for playing with the babies while I do the work."

"You love it," Sakura returned easily.

"A little." He didn't sound too happy about it, but she knew better. "So. Do you have a place in mind?"

She'd actually taken a paper a day or two ago and circled some hopefuls, and she said as much. For some reason, his eyes narrowed at this. After a moment, he asked, "You're going to live alone still?"

Sakura stopped, and because the move was so sudden, Shikamaru slipped a little on the ice. He caught himself, but still gave her a very annoyed look. "Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

"Ino said you were seeing that guy again." He looked uncomfortable, and like perhaps this was the last thing in the world he wanted to talk about. It probably was. "I assumed you were moving in with him."

It should have made her angry, and it did, some, but more than that, it made her stomach pitch. Of course Ino would talk to her husband about this kind of thing -- they were all mutual friends, anyway, so it wasn't really a surprise. At least she hadn't known the identity of the man, or surely that would have been passed on, too. Still, the fact that Shikamaru assumed she would be moving in with someone... that maybe he thought the whole _reason_ she was moving was to be with someone, made her very sad.

She wouldn't be moving in with Kakashi. She stayed over at his house sometimes, but he never stayed over at hers. She had some clothes and a few essentials in his bathroom, but other than that, he had his spaces and she had hers. That was the agreement they'd come to without ever really speaking about it, and it was the one that held.

Expression troubled, she said finally, "No, I'm not moving in with anyone. And I'm not really _seeing_ anyone, strictly. Exactly."

"Now wait a damn minute." He tugged his arm free from hers, aimed a disapproving look at her. She imagined he'd been practicing for when his sons got older, and if she hadn't been on the wrong end of it at that moment, she might have smiled. "How do you not strictly, exactly see someone?"

This was far from the ideal conversation topic, especially with Shikamaru, so she looked away. Her voice was annoyed when she snapped, "Can we drop this? I'm tired of explaining myself to everyone."

Shikamaru pointed at her, cocking a hip to one side as he shifted his weight. "No. You were more in my business than anyone else in Konoha when it came to me and Ino, so turnabout's fair play. I'm not the only one worried, either. Ino's worried, Kiba's worried... though hell, Ino figures it's Kiba you're hooking up with."

She went cold all over, and the color drained from her face. "Kiba loved Hinata. It's not like that, Shikamaru. We're just friends."

He seemed to accept this, nodding. "That's what I told her. Woman gets an idea in her head and runs with it, and damned if she'll listen to even me. Why you can't just tell her, I have no idea, because all her wild speculation is turning into rumors."

She should have expected as much, but it still made her stomach turn. Ino meant well, and Sakura knew she wouldn't spread rumors on purpose, but... but damn it, it made her angry. No one could mind their own business, and once a fire like that was started, it would only spread until it had destroyed everything in its path. Eventually, it would get back to her, and eventually, it would ruin even the little she had with Kakashi. The little that she wasn't sure she was satisfied with, the little she was afraid would turn into too much for either of them to handle.

"People will talk no matter what," she said finally, dragging her hands through her hair.

They'd reached the junction in the path, where one way led to his home and the other hers. For a time, they simply looked at each other, before Shikamaru sighed and braced a hand on her shoulder. "All right. Get some sleep. I'll help you move, damn it."

Her smile was wan, but there. "Thanks, Shikamaru."


	21. Part TwentyOne

_Spin_

Chapter Twenty-One

He showed up the next morning, which was a little strange. Sakura had barely managed to drag herself out of bed when she realized that someone was in the bathroom, and she swore colorfully at the door, slamming her fist a little hard against it in her irritation. The wood splintered, and she swore again, because that was one more thing she was going to have to repair before she moved. Waiting for him to finish, she danced from foot to foot, arms bound tight over her chest as she scowled.

He finally opened the door, stared at her with an odd mixture of amusement and fondness, and reached out to mess with her hair. "Morning. You look grumpy."

"I have to pee," she returned, shoving his hand away and wedging herself between him and the door. She got stuck for a moment, providing a little bit of delightful friction between them, before passing into the bathroom.

"Brat." He muttered it to the closed door, reached up to run his fingers along the edge of the fresh crack in the door. Though she no doubt heard him, she didn't grace him with a response.

In the bathroom, Sakura eyed herself critically, letting lukewarm water run over her hands as she scrutinized her appearance. Kakashi had seen her well-rested, had seen her fraying at the edges, and everywhere in between, so she wasn't too concerned about that morning. Her sleep had been fitful, mostly because she worried about the chuunin, but at least she'd gotten sleep. It was technically her day off, but she wasn't going to hold her breath on that one, considering she could be called in at a moment's notice for that young man.

She cupped water in her hands, splashed it on her face. As she flicked her fingers dry, she could hear Kakashi muttering something outside the door, and she expelled a long breath.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Dabbing her face dry, she toed the door open, made her way down the hallway slowly. He was cooking breakfast, never wasting a motion as he cracked eggs over a pan and then carefully picked the shells out of what he deposited.

Coming up behind him, she leaned over, cheek against his arm. "You're really not good at that." To prove her point, she plucked another small piece of shell out, then flicked it off her fingers.

"You _are_ grumpy." He said it lightly, and didn't sound very concerned. "Want to make breakfast instead?"

"Nope." She turned her face, pressed a light kiss to his shoulder. "All yours. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion." He seemed intently focused on his task, so Sakura stepped around him, began going through the motions of cleaning up her mess from the night before. Briefly, he stared at her, then asked, "Why don't you get dressed? I'll clean up."

Suspicious now, Sakura gave him a long look. "Who are you?" She finally asked, setting her teacup in the sink. "What have you done with the man I usually eat breakfast with?"

It hung in the air between them for just a moment: _usually_. More often than not, she ate alone, but it still seemed to fit. Perhaps because if she wasn't sharing her time with Kakashi, it was either Kiba or Naruto. Naruto was gone, had been gone for months, and who knew when he would come back. That left her options sorely limited, except when she ventured into Shikamaru and Ino's home and enjoyed their company, though she couldn't do that as often as she liked.

It was important to give the family their private time when they could all be together, after all. Ino wouldn't be going back to active duty for a little while longer yet, and she was going a little bit crazy in the meantime. Sakura could sympathize, but at least she had a nice desk job in the Hokage tower to occupy her until then.

Kakashi burned his fingers, and he tucked them into his mouth, nevertheless manfully continuing his task. At his side, Sakura laughed. "How do you always manage to burn yourself?"

He grunted, and she laughed again.

When breakfast was served, the sat across from one another, and as usual, picked off each other's plates. It didn't matter that they were eating the same thing; Sakura saw a large bit of egg and snatched it up with her chopsticks, and he retaliated by going for her vegetables. It was strangely peaceful, and she caught herself wishing that it could be like that every morning. Because she did, she ruthlessly smothered the thought.

"I'm moving." His eyebrow arched, and she took a long drink of her tea. "Closer to the hospital. The whole reason I was way out here was so that they wouldn't call me in all the time, but that happens anyway, so I'm just making more work for myself."

He wiped his mouth with a napkin, looked at her thoughtfully. "Is that what you want?"

"It is." She lifted her shoulders. "Maybe."

He stacked his plates, held out his hand for hers as he rose. With his back to her, he commented, "You'll be a lot closer to everyone."

Propping her cheek up on her fist, she rolled her eyes. "I know that's a terrible thought to you, but I'd like some constant company. It's easier to spend time with people when you're closer to them."

He seemed to consider this, squirting some soap onto a small sponge and scrubbing. "Mm. It is."

Something dawned on her, and her brow furrowed. "You don't like the idea?"

"I didn't say that." He blinked at her over his shoulder. "If it makes you happy, it's fine with me."

Sakura sighed. "Happy, huh... sometimes, you've got to settle for just getting by."

The fact that she could say that to him, the fact that he simply inhaled deeply instead of arguing it, spoke volumes for how far they'd come. No longer was there even a shred of the student and teacher between them; they were a man and a woman, on equal footing as far as most things were concerned, who were both well aware of the bleak world they lived in. Both of them knowing that, perhaps, what they had was as good as it would get didn't make it any easier to swallow, but sharing that knowledge did make it a bit easier to bear.

"Nobody warned me that when I grew up, everything was going to be so irritating." She kept her tone light, extended a hand for him when he turned around.

Kakashi hesitated a moment, then laced his fingers with hers. "Why spoil the surprise?"

She rolled her eyes, then asked sweetly, "Want to help me pick out a place?"

He tugged her out of the chair, drew her over and out of the kitchen. "Do I have to? I hate looking for apartments."

Fitting snugly against his side, she confided, "I've been thinking of looking for a house. I don't want to live in an apartment forever, you know. And I really hate moving."

He stilled, but simply said, "Ah. Well, if you want."

"What's the _ah_ for?" She peered up at him, poked him in the chest with her free hand. "Relax. I'm not asking you to move in with me."

It was said as a joke, but when he looked down at her, there was something serious and a little sad in his face. "I know."

She felt a little uncomfortable, but before she could say anything else, her front door swung open.

"Hey, Sakura-chan, I'm ba..." Naruto trailed off, blue eyes widening as he looked from Sakura to Kakashi, then back again.

A few moments passed in tense silence, and then Sakura muttered, "Shit."


End file.
